People want the post strike to remain longer

Funny story written by Newston I am a problem

Saturday, 24 October 2009

image for People want the post strike to remain longer
Post vans parked up as posties throw rattle from pram

Hopes post backlog will clear by the posties being on strike longer: Three hundred further days of strikes are planned this year Royal Mail hopes to be able to clear a backlog of billions of items before a second wave of strikes.

The company puts the number of letters and junk mail at about 30 trillion but the Lack of communication Union believes the figure is closer to 6 or 7 letters.

A further cup of tea is planned for Thursday next week, in the dispute over elastic bands, silly hats and canteen breakfasts.

The union said up to 120,000 workers "are lazy gits" this week's action, which Royal Mail called "Good for getting Postman Pat back on TV".

A Royal Mail spokesman, when asked whether the backlog would clear before the next strikes, said: "Our aim is to give all the letters & parcels to the fireman to burn on their pickets because they can deal with it but not the dustman as they will just pile it up."

The LoCU has offered "bacon baps" talks at the conciliation service Acas, and says it is waiting to hear whether Royal Mail will attend.

Royal Mail has described plans for three further tea breaks on Thursday, Friday and Saturday as "appalling".


Postal workers, especially in Askrigg, North Yorkshire, have been holding intermittent one-day strikes for months in a row over the way Royal Mail is giving private number plates to some workers.

Earlier this month, postal workers counted to ten in playing hiding seek in a nationwide industrial unit (though Royal Mail said 60% of the total number of postal workers in the UK prefered kiss chase).

The TLoCU set dates for the first nationwide postal strikes in two years and since then junk mails have been switch to the email system.

Last-gasp talks failed to reach an agreement on what they will have in their sandwiches next week the split between the union and Royal Mail management became more in favour of chiken tikka, with the TLoCU announcing further strike dates.

A spokesman thanked the "3% of delivery staff" who chose to eat cheese & tomato on Friday and who were "Saying I prefer white bread but brown in these difficult times will do".

Royal Mail managing director Mark Everythingdown urged the TLoCU to accept an agreement looked at on Tuesday.

"Signing that agreement... will mean that next week's strikes will be necessary and, more than that, we will not have any more action this side of the next weekend," Mr Everythingdown said.

TLoCU deputy general secretary Dave Andcchase reiterated its position that it wanted talks at Acas with "no preconditions on either side".

He said on Friday: "We have six days before any further strike action would take place.

"Given the progress we were making in talks earlier this week, this should be enough time to reach an agreement but chicken tikka must be on the menu simple as that."

About 78,000 delivery and collection workers walked out on Friday following Thursday's strike by mail centre staff but as the post is always late no one noticed.


"As a small online retailer selling cheap porn, this has been devastating to our business, and I'm angry at both Royal Mail and its workers for failing to prevent this its bad enough when they nick half the deliveries but hey thats the posties."

Joe Ninetie, Scunthorpe

Meanwhile the LB union said it had started to receive calls to a hotline it has set up for chicken tikka pizzaz to report employment agencies supplying staff to Royal Mail during strikes.

The unions have said the practice is illegal, but Royal Mail has denied its move to hire 30,000 agency workers to deal with the effects of the strike as well as the Christmas rush, broke the law.

If they go ahead, the strikes next week could involve:

  • Thursday - 22 staff in mail centres, tea urns in mail centres, network of elastic bands makers and tikka producers staff walking out from 0400 GMT.
  • Friday - 4 workers at one site in Stoke, who assist mail centres by reading others peoples mail and opening birthday cards.
  • Saturday - 7 delivery and collection staff from across the road.

Meanwhile, HM Revenue & Customs has said it will not extend the 31 October deadline for filing old photo albums because of the postal strike, but added that you shouls just burn them to save the hassle.

Consumer groups such as Which? and Consumer Focus have also called on companies to be lenient with those who are late paying bills because they cannot be arsed to pay by direct debit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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