Cindy Crawford's Sex Advice a Huge Hit on Capitol Hill

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Monday, 14 September 2009


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The House Chamber - in need of chambermaids?

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Cindy Crawford's announcement that she has a recipe to keep husbands from cheating on their wives has created quite a buzz in Washington, D.C., said a source.

The supermodel claimed that hiring a housekeeper "give[s] overworked wives more time to keep their partners satisfied."

The catwalk queen admitted that "it takes a lot to keep the passion in a relationship alive," and insisted that finding another woman to take care of household chores allows the wife more time to "satisfy her husband's carnal desires."

She added, "It's probably a lot less expensive to hire a housekeeper for your wife - and she might want to have sex with you more - instead of paying a prostitute, because if you can afford a prostitute, you can afford a housekeeper."

Many members of Congress on both sides of the aisle praised the supermodel's line of reasoning, adding that hiring a housekeeper "gives overworked husbands more potential partners to keep themselves satisfied."

They admitted that Cindy had a point about it taking a lot to keep the passion alive when you're in a relationship, and said that finding another woman who will not only take care of household chores, but give you a little something extra on the side, can be just the spark you need.

Congressional members praised Cindy's skillful accounting abilities, demonstrated by her careful cost-benefit analysis concerning the employment of housekeepers versus prostitutes, and indicated they wanted to get the iconic fashion figure into a new position - as Secretary of Congress.

Cindy reportedly said, "Sorry, guys, but I've got way too much going for me to fetch coffee for a bunch of adulterous losers."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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