Boston To Change Its Name To Teddy Town

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 30 August 2009

image for Boston To Change Its Name To Teddy Town
A statue of one of Boston's most famous citizens Paul Revere (photo courtesy of Jay Leno).

BOSTON - The city council of Boston voted by a 6 to 4 vote to change the city's name from Boston to Teddy Town.

The move is in honor of one of the most famous residents in Massachusetts history along with Miles Standish, Paul Revere, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, General George Patton, and Donna Summer.

Boston television station Channel 81 took an online name-changing poll and out of 39,492 respondents, 19,747 expressed a desire to change the city's name to Teddy Town and only 19,745 voted to keep the present name of Boston.

One poll respondent Agatha Logworthy, 89, said that she was a lifelong resident and she was against changing the city's name. When asked if she was a Republican she replied that it was no one's frackin' business if she was a Republican, a vegetarian, a Salem witch, a wanton nymphomaniac, a lipstick lesbian, or a lousy-ass cook.

Another Bostonian Chaffic Cornhill said that he has been a resident of Boston since April 1, 1950, when he moved to Beantown from Paramus, New Jersey.

Cornhill said that he never liked the name Boston. He said that it sounded too African-American. When Cornhill was asked if he was prejudiced he answered maybe just a little bit.

He said that he has been attending anger management classes once a month and he has already gotten over being angry at Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner for letting the ball go between his legs back in the sixth game of the 1986 World Series.

SIDENOTE: The 70s band Boston has announced that in the interest of uniformity they will be changing the name of their band to Teddy Town as well.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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