Naked Man Crashes School Bus, Interrupts Chicken and Beer Session w/Ludacris

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 28 August 2009


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Though incident will go on naked man's record, it remains unclear if it will go on Ludacris' next.

ATLANTA, GA - A man in the nude hijacked a school bus full of teenagers Thursday in Atlanta, said police.

Students were only able to laugh and torment their naked captor for a couple of minutes before he finally had to confront a student, according to the police report.

The incident began when Enos Flescher, 23, hoisted his bare ass in through a side window at a bus stop, said Atlanta police chief Buck Asnekhed.

Flescher took control of the bus after the driver mentioned something about "chilly weather," then collapsed to the floor, laughing uncontrollably at the naked man's rock-hard nipples, the chief said.

Later, while the bus was still moving, the man abandoned the steering wheel to address a member of the football team who had removed a towel from his gym bag and used it to to administer a wicked red welt to the man's right ass cheek, Asnekhed added.

"Oh, sure, you think you're pretty tough with all your clothes on," said the hijacker as he rose from the drivers seat. "Let's see you fight me in the buff!"

Unfazed, the young man shrugged and began to disrobe as the bus drifted lazily from the roadway, crashing into Ludacris' recording studio where the rap mogul was enjoying some chicken and beers with Timbaland.

Students then fled the bus while horrified onlookers struggled to clothe the man in baggy hip hop attire until police finally arrived.

One witness told reporters, "Children was jumpin' out the emergency door ... jumpin' off the bus. ... They was sayin' things like, 'Ooh, gross! ... Did you see that thing? ... Dude, check out the Vienna sausage, bra! ... Love the new school uniforms!'"

Principal Chiquita Chorizo said, "Considering some of the stuff that's happening in other schools, this is definitely an improvement. At least if you're naked, you don't have anyplace to hide a gun!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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