Glenn Beck Loses 33 Sponsors Only Has 3 Left

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

image for Glenn Beck Loses 33 Sponsors Only Has 3 Left
Glenn Beck vacationing incognito in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.

NEW YORK CITY - Network executives are expressing extreme concern as several more sponsors have asked that their commercials be pulled from The Glenn Beck Show.

One executive has disclosed that so far Beck's show has had a total of 33 sponsors pull out.

The exec said that they initially tried to just sweep it under the advertisement rug by trying to say that Beck was just kidding when he remarked that the president of the United States was a racist.

An attorney D.D. Lettsinger, 83, asked how in the world could President Obama even be remotely prejudiced when he is half white and half black or rather half black and half white.

Lettsinger further asked that who could the president possibly be bigoted against the Potawatomi Indians? The Alaskan Eskimos? The Polish Sausages?

One of the nation's top advertising consultants Babs Fonnfurst, 43, stated that D.D. Lettsinger asks too many questions.

The very attractive Fonnfurst, who had breast enhancement surgery back in January, suggested that network should have immediately addressed this very important issue head on instead of just merely telling Beck to go on vacation down to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico until everything dies down.

Fonnfurst, who also had a tummy tuck and a butt lift, suggested that they should have come out with a news release simply stating that the stupidly stupid remark was due to one of Beck's common everyday brain farts that he is prone to have every now and then.

The extremely sexy-for-her-age Babs Fonnfurst pointed out that a cameraman should have filmed Beck speaking and looking right into the camera and apologizing with crocodile tears in his eyes.

He should have read a statement, written by an executive, stating that he (Glenn Lee Beck) is sorry for his ignorantly ignorant remark and that it was just a case of temporary first-degree stupidity on his part and that he will never do it again cross his heart.

But since they did not do that, it appears that now it will end up costing them dearly. Fonnfurst, who is recently divorced and looking, says that they will end up losing several millions of dollars.

She said that it translates into the network having to run American Idol for 15 weeks instead of 10 to recoup the loss.

Paula Abdul, ex-American Idol judge was asked to comment on this situation and she replied, "Paybacks are a bitch aren't they. They treated me like, to use Randy's phrase, 'dawg shit' and now it has come back to bite them in the butt."

When an executive was asked what three sponsors Beck still had left he called his secretary and asked her.

He was told that the three advertisers who have not dropped out (yet) include The Rolls Royce Motor Car Company, Kibbles 'n Bits Dog Food, and The Manhattan law firm of Lettsinger & Lettsinger.

Fellow talk show host Sean Hannity even said off-the-record that he was glad that it was the Beckster and not him that made that highly offensive remark.

Rush Limbaugh, on the hand however, said that this is still The United States of America and if Beck wants to call the president of the United States a racist then it is his right to do so. And if it means that he will lose 33 sponsors then so be it.

Limbaugh thought about it for a moment and asked "33 sponsors? Wow. Damn it sure does look like little old Glenny sure done went and stepped smack dab in it don't it?"

Meanwhile Bill O'Reilly said that he knows Beck real well and that Beck called him crying and saying that he was just kidding.

O'Reilly said that Beck had opined to him that the media had taken it all out of context. And what he really said was that the president is a 'racer' as in one who likes to race, whether it be cars, motorcycles, or just running on foot.

Babs Fonnfurst, who just four weeks ago had nipple augmentation surgery on both of nipples giving her that much sought after 'pencil erasers' look said that what it boils down to is that Beck just needs to stop acting like a little wienie and start acting like the big wiener that everybody knows he is.

Meanwhile Wolf Blitzer, Campbell Brown, and Anderson Cooper are salivating and grinning from ear-to-ear.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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