Salt Lake City, UT - It has just been discovered that Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are half brothers, sharing the same mother, and that Glenn Beck is Cheney's love child. The fathers of Cheney and Rove are brothers, and are said to have at least 23 more children between them.
Researchers working on a story about Beck's recent bizarre behavior noticed similarities between Beck and Cheney. "They're both sneaky, underhanded and given to fits. When I put their pictures side-by-side, I noticed more than a glancing resemblance," one of the researchers said. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that Cheney and Rove share the same mother and had been covering up their religious background until now. Their parents were part of a lesser known sect of the Mormons called the Latter Day and Night Saints, believing that being a saint was a 24-hour job.
Although most people knew of Cheney's two DWI arrests in the early 1960's, no one was aware that Glenn Beck was conceived during one of Cheney's many nights of wild abandon. When the reporter called Cheney to confirm this information, Cheney yelled, "get off my phone, get off my phone!" Rove denies any involvement in his own or anyone else's birth.