Demi Moore Dumps Ashton Kutcher For A Younger Man

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

image for Demi Moore Dumps Ashton Kutcher For A Younger Man
Demi Moore relaxing in her Malibu Beach jacuzzi (photo courtesy of Timmy Scandiano).

HOLLYWOOD - Reports coming out of Tinseltown are stating that actress Demi Moore, 46, has dumped Ashton Kutcher, 31, for a younger man.

It appears that the New Mexico native met her present love interest, Timmy Scandiano, 19, a week ago while she was shopping at a Mr. Goliath Supermarket in West Hollywood.

A reliable source noted that Moore had remarked that even though Scandiano works as a sacker it doesn't matter because he is so nice and so sweet.

Supposedly Moore said that as he was taking her groceries out to her car he told her that she was pretty and that she has the best looking legs of any female shopper he has seen so far this year.

When Kutcher was asked to comment he replied that he had noticed that lately Demi's self-esteem had gotten a little on the low side.

He said that he has been very busy with his various commercials for Mrs. Butterworth's Pancake Syrup, Smokin' Chipotle Barbecue Sauce, and Krisy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts and he has not really had time to remind Demi that at 46, she still has great-looking legs, terrific tatas, and a cute-looking caboose.

Ashton did remark that he is not worried because he understands that Timmy does not even own a car and that he still lives with his parents in a trailer.

Meanwhile Demi says that she has never had a guy tell her that she has the most beautiful-looking big toes on the planet.

She said that Timmy also sings very good, almost always in tune, and that he can sing the song "La Macarena" in seven different languages.

Moore says that she is on cloud nine. She even said that Timmy has invited her to be his date to next year's prom.

Scandiano should have graduated this past May but he failed English, Biology, Algebra, Civics, and Home Economics.

He says that he is going to really apply himself this coming school year so that he can graduate in 2010. He smiles and says especially now that he has a real pretty girlfriend.

SIDENOTE: Ashton was interviewed by Ryan Seacrest and he told him that the reason that he is not worried is because ever since they were first married in 2005, Demi, once a year, will all of a sudden say that she wants to divorce him and marry a younger man.

Last year it was 14-year-old Cameron Airbiscuit, Jr., who is an Anaheim Boy Scout with about 193 merit badges. Kutcher says that Demi is very, very lucky that he has the patience of a lava rock.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more