Judge Ito Issues Restraining Order Against Senator Kerry

Funny story written by Professor Jabo

Thursday, 15 July 2004

image for Judge Ito Issues Restraining Order Against Senator Kerry
Judge Ito Restrains Senator Kerry

Judge Lance Ito has issued a restraining order against Senator John Kerry barring him from appearing in Latino clubs in Los Angeles. The restraining order was sought by the Special Gang Unit of the Los Angeles Police Department following Senator Kerry's recent appearance at a Latino club in LA. Kerry's use of gang signals sparked a riot in the club which also resulted in a SWAT team assault at King Drew Hospital, six car thefts and eight 7/11 robberies. Police dogs bit two patients and innocent hospital patients were sprayed with fire hoses resulting in multiple pneumonia cases as a result of Kerry's appearance.

According to Judge Ito, Senator Kerry represents a clear and present danger to the Latino community in LA and is permanently barred from future appearances at Latino clubs. "Kerry's appearance in the LA's Latino community wreaked havoc on the club he visited, innocent victims in the club, innocent patients at King Drew Hospital, resulted in significant damage to a police bus and SWAT team truck, the escape of 14 prisoners and has resulted in law suits that will clog up the judicial system for months to come. Further appearances will not be allowed," said Judge Ito.

In a related story, the two patients bitten by police dogs at King Drew Hospital during the SWAT team assault provoked by Senator Kerry's use of gang hand signals have tested positive for rabies. They are undergoing the painful series of rabies shots at this time. The rabies victims are scheduled to discuss the Kerry Latino Riot and its aftermath on Larry King Live, Oprah, Hardball, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Conan O'Brien and on the Jerry Springer Show.

The channel 5 video of the events at King Drew Hospital can be found on numerous web sites. A well-known reality TV producer has bought the rights to develop a pilot series tentatively named "Survivor: Politics in the Hood". Pulitzer Prize nominations are expected for the journalists cover the story.

Senator Kerry has apologized for the chain of events set in motion by his use of gang hand signals and will now move on to the African American community where he expects a warm reception.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more