Byrd wants Bush's ass jailed...Wants LBJ dug up and rekilled

Funny story written by Frankie The J

Sunday, 2 August 2009

image for Byrd wants Bush's ass jailed...Wants LBJ dug up and rekilled
This is not a photograph of Senator Byrd.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- Sen. Robert C. Byrd, D-W.Va., introduced Senate legislation on Tuesday to impose fines and/or prison terms on presidents and White House officials who mislead Congress into approving legislation for military interventions. The Executive Accountability Act of 2009 is the first bill Byrd introduced since returning to the Senate for a brief period on July 22. It is similar to a House bill introduced by Rep. Walter Jones, R-N.C., in January.

In a statement given to "The Congressional Record," Byrd compared President George W. Bush's invasion of Iraq in 2003 to several previous military actions in U.S. history. Byrd said the dangers created by presidents who "distorted the facts" and "withheld critical information" should already have been learned from the Vietnam Conflict, World War II, the Mexican War and Spanish-American War.

"Bush got us into this silly-assed war by convincing us that Saddam had WMD's, and that was a pure-D lie! What the conflict between Bush and Saddam was really about was Bush's loss of face when Saddam beat him in a pissing contest," Byrd told the Record. "Saddam out pissed Bush by six feet. That pissed off Dubya, whose father, George Herbert Walker Bush out pissed Saddam 6-4, 6-0 and 6-4 in the first Gulf War Go-round," Byrd said.

"Why dig up LBJ and rekill him," a Fox News reporter asked Byrd.

"Well, that fucking Texan made up the entire Gulf of Tonkin scenario in order to force reporters to cover the escalating conflict in Vietnam. He was tired of reporters reporting about his animal cruelty (Johnson was forever getting his picture taken holding 20-pound beagles in the air, by their ears)," Byrd said. "I say, dig that bastard up and stick a needle in his arm-if he still has one."

Byrd claims the precedent for digging up dead rulers and subjecting their corpses to justice "was established by the King of England, Charles or Pete, Edward, whomever the fuck it was, who dug up that Roundhead, Cromwell, and hug his dead ass on some castle. We should do the same with LBJ's rotten corpse."

Former President George W. Bush was unavailable and could not be contacted by reporters. Bush has not been seen, or heard from, since attending a July 4th deer hunt at former Vice President Dick Cheney's home in Bumfuck, Wyoming.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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