Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 25 July 2009

image for Boy George Escapes From Prison
Boy George's former prison cell second from right.

LONDON - The BBC is reporting that George Alan O'Dowd, aka Boy George, aka inmate #74316869, has escaped from London's Petula Clark Prison For Blokes.

Prison Warden Sebastapol Pickens said that apparently "The Boy" dug himself out of his jail cell using a guitar pick, an eyebrow pencil, a butter knife, and an electric shovel.

Scotland Yard has been called in and they are conducting a full scale investigation as to why exactly Mr. O'Dowd was allowed to have an eyebrow pencil in his jail cell.

The United Kingdom Prison Rules and Regulations Manual strictly prohibits prisoners (i.e. inmates and convicts) from possessing or otherwise physically having an eyebrow pencil in their jail cell (Rules and Regulations #171-3EP).

Scotland Yard Commander Twill Canterbury stated that this is the third time this year that a prisoner has escaped from a United Kingdom prison using an eyebrow pencil.

Assistant Warden Ringo Nagashima did make a statement to Canterbury that just four days ago, he had personally confiscated from BG's jail cell a pair of work gloves, an eggbeater, and an office stapler.

He added that a thorough search of his jail cell the day before he escaped did not turn up anything unusual or out of the ordinary, such as a hole big enough for Mr. O'Dowd to crawl out of.

A spokesperson for the BBC reality show, Boy George - The Singing Jailbird says that filming of the prison reality show will be temporarily discontinued for now.

Commander Canterbury personally interviewed the inmate in the cell adjoining O'Dowds. He asked inmate #74316002 aka P.P. Effingham if he knew that Boy George had been planning an escape.

"No sir. When I'm in my cell, I spend most of the time taking naps, reading the Greater London Phonebook, and playing with myself...I mean playing Trivial Pursuit with myself."

P.P. was asked if BG ever talked to him about the possibility of escaping.

"No sir. I take long naps. The only thing that I remember hearing "Dimples" say was that he really missed eating his favorite food."

"And what was that?"

"Granny Gertie's Sausage Crumpets. His all-time favorite singer Petula Clark visited him earlier this year and she brought him a whole basketful."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, that lady Petula Clark sure does look fantastic for 76."

"Anything else. Yes she has the prettiest brown eyes."

Canterbury interrupts him. "No dippo, I mean anything else concerning Boy George's escape."

"Yes, one more thing. "Dimples" was always singing his latest single, "My Ass Might Be In Prison, But My Heart's In Manchester."

"Excellent. Thank you #74316002."

"You're welcome sir, and you can call me 6002. Oh sir and one more thing. I've only got about 14 more years to go before I'm released. Do you think that you can talk to the warden and see if he can knock off a few months?"

"Sure. I'll see what I can do 002."

SIDENOTE: A saleslady who works at cosmetic department at The Lord Cornwallis Department Store in Manchester reported that she saw a person who looked very much like Boy George looking at the eyeshadow display counter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: George W. Bush




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