Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 27 July 2009

image for Florida Bans The Phrases 'See You Later Alligator' and 'After A While Crocodile'
Fluffy a 73-year-old Alligator owned by Tobias and Amber Terzella of Miami is believed to be the oldest gator in captivity.

SARASOTA, Florida - PETA has won yet another battle. Dr. Oliver V. Chamski director of the Florida branch of PETA said that after a long fought battle the Florida supreme court has finally ruled in favor of PETA's demand that the state prohibit its citizens from using the cliche phrases, "See ya later alligator" and "After a while crocodile."

Dr. Chamski, a lifelong resident of Chassahowitzka, Florida said that those two phrases are mean and inhumane and their use will no longer be tolerated.

The Florida Department of Reptilian Action says that anyone caught uttering these insensitive phrases will be fined $705. Of that amount, $700 will go directly into the state treasury and the $5 will be donated to The Melvina Beth Hammerfinch Home For Wayward Gators and Crocs located in Apollo Beach, Florida.

When the doctor was asked if that fine would also apply to tourists and other non-residents of Florida, he replied no.

He was asked why not. And he answered because the last thing that we want to do in this time of continuing economic uncertainty is to offend those individuals (tourists) who are graciously visiting Florida and spending their hard-earned dollars in our beautiful, sunshiny state.

Dr. Chamski stated that even though Florida's alligators and crocodiles are Florida's meanest four-legged creatures by far, they are also the most sensitive and the most misunderstood.

He said that some alligators have actually been known to kiss baby flamingos without hurting them. And there have been several eyewitness reports from the Key Largo Zoo where an adult male crocodile has actually tried to mate with an adult female kangaroo on four different occasions.

The crocodile named Bogarto finally had to be transferred to the Pascagoula Zoo in Mississippi. It seems that Kandi's (the Kangaroo) incessant hopping away from him and rejection of him caused Bogarto to become considerably and significantly frustrated, aggravated, and horribly stressed out.

Dr. Chamski has written two best sellers on the Florida swamp dwellers. His first book was titled, Gators and Crocs Rule #1: Never Ever Pet An Alligator or Crocodile No Matter How Pretty or Handsome They May Look.

His follow up book is entitled, Exactly Why Is It That Some Folks Won't Listen When You Tell Them To Never Ever Pet An Alligator or Crocodile No Matter How Pretty or Handsome They May Look?

Dr. Chamski was recently asked by CNN's Anderson Cooper what the difference between an alligator and a crocodile is.

"The spelling." Chamski answered.

"No seriously."

"Like I said Coop, it's the spelling."

"Okay, so you're serious?"

"No Andy, I was just pulling you leg. No pun intended."

"None taken. And besides that pulling your leg line is an old alligator joke from the old Tarzan movies."

"You got me. But Ange, the main difference between an alligator and a crocodile is that an alligator has a rounded mouth, whereas a crocodile has a sharp mouth."

"Oh, I see. Kind of like Katie Couric's mouth is round and Ann Coulter's is sharp."

"Exactly!"

"Well doctor, thank you for you input and good luck with your program."

"Thank you Coopster. And if I may I would like to leave you with a little PETA piece."

"Of course."

"Cooperfield, remember this. You can lead a horse to water, but getting a duck to do a triple backward somersault with a lit Cuban cigar in its mouth...now that is a trick."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Florida




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