Written by Unconfirmed Source

Sunday, 11 July 2004

image for Riot at Wal-Mart Mars Small Town's Celebration of July 4th!
Nation Guard restores peace.

Unconfirmed Sources report that Sheriff Ben Quigly has lifted marshall law and things are returning to normal in the small town of Big Rapids Michigan in the USA. Details of the chaotic events are just now beginning to emerge and the disturbance seems to have been touched off by a shortage of hot dog buns at the local Wal-Mart Super Store.

The disturbance began on the evening of the 3rd when harried holiday shoppers discovered the Wal-Mart Super Store had run out of hot dog buns. The shortage was apparently caused by the age old bun- hot dog package quantity mismatch. The shoppers accosted an employee about the shortage and the man suggested they use steak buns instead. A steak bun is similar to a hot dog bun, but has been sliced all the way through, and is not a suitable replacement for a hot dog bun.

The shoppers grew enraged at the suggestion and became unruly. Apparently one shopper took a meat fork from a barbeque display and threatened a stock boy telling him "To get those buns out here now!" The gathering crowd became more distraught when the stock boy said there weren't any more buns and there wounldn't be any until after the weekend.

The angry shoppers then proceeded to destroy the Wal-Mart and several neighboring businesses. They also held the stock boy at fork point and demanded more buns.

Store managers alerted the Department of Homeland Security, which declared a state of emergency and sealed off the city. Troops from a nearby national guard station surrounded the store for several tense hours until more hot dog buns could be located.

The standoff ended peacefully when the buns arrived and irate shoppers departed the scene, buns in hand. The stock boy was released unharmed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Mars, Riot

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