Joe Jackson To Manage The New Jackson Three

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

image for Joe Jackson To Manage The New Jackson Three
The Jackson Five (shown above) will be the backup band for The New Jackson Three.

LOS ANGELES - The patriarch of the singing Jackson family, Joe Jackson has stated that he will be managing the careers of Michael's three children.

The elder Jackson, has been called a Svengali by several Jackson family members. LaToya said that her father was the absolute ruling monarch.

Brother Jermaine has referred to his dad simply as the CEO. And Katherine Jackson, (Joe's wife) referred to her husband as Saint Joe, the patron saint of all things financial, monetary, and musical.

The elder Jackson recently had an opportunity to sit down with CNN's Anderson Cooper and discuss his plans for Michael Jackson's 'Little Jackson Three.'

Cooper asked him what exactly his future plans for Michael's three kids were.

Jackson said that he has already signed the three children to long-term contracts. The eldest Prince Michael is 12, and he goes by the nickname "Bedspread."

The second child is 11-year-old Paris, who's nickname is "Veil."

And the third and youngest Jackson sibling is 7-year-old Prince Michael II, who is known as "Blanket."

The children's grandfather told Cooper that the three will be performing under the name The Jackson Three. Jackson said that "Bedspread" has a fabulous singing voice and that he sounds a lot like a very young Barry White.

He stated that "Veil" has a voice that sounds a little like Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac. But Jackson is quick to say that he will focus and work with her very hard to try and refine, enhance, and nurture the quasi-harshness in her present singing voice.

And regarding little "Blanket." Joe said that the littlest Jackson already has an amazing four-part octave range much like Roy Orbison and Mariah Carey.

When asked if the Jackson uncles would be providing the backup music for The Jackson Three, Joe said that they would for the first tour. He added that after that he will be forming a new backup band that will consist of studio musicians.

He said that the reason for using non-Jackson family musicians is because this way he will be able to implement a 'no back-talking' clause into their contract (which the Jackson brothers staunchly and unwaveringly have refused to do.)

When Cooper asked Jackson what type of financial arrangements he had made for the three kids, Joe got somewhat defensive and told Cooper that it really was none of his business.

Cooper looked him in the eye and replied that it was most definitely his business because he was giving him tons of free publicity and besides he reminded Jackson that he still owed him $19,000 from a $20,000 loan he had given him back in 2002.

Joe smiled, he leaned over towards Cooper, and told him that the contract calls for "Bedspread" to receive 3%, "Veil" will receive 2%, and little "Blanket" will receive 1%.

Joe then said that the remaining 94% will go to him to cover expenses such as motel rooms, food, clothes, toys, and candy.

Joe was quick to add that the deal is a lot better than any deal that the kids could have worked out for themselves.

Jackson added that he is making arrangement to have Celine Dion and Vince Gill provide singing lessons to the three kids.

He said that Celine has already agreed to a $100 an hour fee and Joe believes that Vince will charge somewhere around $85 an hour.

Cooper asked Joe how come he had not contacted Michael's idol and mentor Diana Ross about having her provide some singing lessons to his three grandkids.

Joe smiled, took a sip from his Buttery Nipple Shooter, and said that he didn't want to say too much but that it would really not be a good idea to have Ms. Ross giving his grandkids singing lessons.

He then grinned and stated, cooking lessons yes, sewing lessons yes, but not singing lessons. Anderson Cooper just nodded his head and decided to leave it at that.

In other news. Cambodia is planning on invading Malaysia on Saturday. Reports coming in from the Cambodia capital of Phnom Penh confirm the rumor that Cambodia is invading Malaysia because of the Cambodian chopstick shortage.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more