South Carolina Guv Mark Sanford, recently believed to have gone missing on a long, solitary hiking trip all the way to Argintina, apparently, has said that he will disclose whether or not he charged his eleven pairs of worn out hiking boots to the public.
Also, a 5 Star hotel in Buenos Aires.
"A man has to prove to himself that he is a man", stated Sanford, "and if all that hiking and sex with my lady friend there doesn't prove it, I don't know what does!"
He then burst into tears and admitted to taking large quantities of penis-enhancing drugs as well as hiring ten guys to wear out the hiking boots while he took a jet charged to the "Fine people of South Carolina..Go Gamecocks!"
He then confessed to dressing up like his grandmother as a kid and running naked through the parks with a special-made mask of his political opponent on his face.
He also has taken twelve trips to Reno and met his Argentine lover and her husband.
"I even used to burn ant hills with a magnifying glass."
Then he squared his shoulders and denied the whole thing!
Immediately he stole the heart of politicians everywhere.
When asked how the eleventh pair of hiking boots wore out, he turned as he left the speakers stand and yelled "In bed!"