Dead Musicians to Perform at Woodstock 2019?

Funny story written by SeanFallon

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Supernatural activity of cosmic proportions will occur at Bethel, New York, if a local farmer's tale is true. Long deceased musicians will be performing at Woodstock 2019. When local farmer Zeke Henry was out shucking corn, some unexpected guests appeared to him, volunteering to perform at the 50th Anniversary Woodstock. Zeke Henry swears that he was not dreaming, has never taken L.S.D., and has letters from three different doctors, verifying that he is not insane.

"I thought I was dreaming or hallucinating, but I soon realized that I was having an experience above and beyond that which the human mind can fathom," says Henry.

"I had a campfire burning on my mountainside field, when the flames turned bright purple. I looked into that purple haze, could swear that I heard the wind cry 'Mary,' and then suddenly heard a familiar voice behind me request, 'Let me stand next to your fire.' I turned around, and there he was, Jimi Hendrix standing right behind me."

According to Henry, Jimi Hendrix then said, "I play lead guitar for a new supergroup who will perform at Woodstock 2019. Let me introduce you to my lead singer." The flames on the fire flickered and took on a silver lining with a touch of grey. Suddenly, some sugar magnolias and scarlet begonias went flying out of the fire. Then, Jerry Garcia came truckin' along.

Jerry got out of the truck and stated, "What a long strange trip it's been trying to get to this fire on the mountain. I'm glad I got off that train that Casey Jones was driving. He wasn't watching his speed."

Hendrix then added, "Our rhythm guitarist and backing vocalist was in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train. The wait got too long for her, so she should arrive any minute now in her Mercedes Benz." Suddenly, a Mercedes Benz pulled up. Janis Joplin walked out of it.

Henry was shocked, "Jerry Garcia as lead singer, Jimi Hendrix as lead guitarist, and Janis Joplin as rhythm guitarist? Who will play bass and drums?"

Jimi Hendrix responded, "exactly." Suddenly, a not so magic bus pulled up. John Entwistle and Keith Moon walked out of it.

Keith Moon stated, "My generation thought we could see for miles and miles, but we had it all wrong. When we play our concert out here in the field this time, we can explain, and we won't get fooled again."

John Entwistle added, "We are no longer seekers going mobile. We got in tune to the straight and narrow, to find out that love is for keeping. I call that a bargain, the best I ever had. Now, love reigns o'er me."

Henry asked them for an explanation of how they could all be there, when they are dead.

Garcia retorted, "Let it be known, there is a fountain that was not made by the hands of man. You can read about it in the Bible. John, chapter 4."

Henry then claims, "Suddenly, all five of them disappeared, along with their vehicles. The flames of my campfire returned to normal, but then spit out a piece of paper containing a list of the other acts expected to perform at Woodstock 2019."

Henry presented the list to authorities who could verify that the list was not written in Henry's handwriting. The names on the list included Elvis Presley, Rich Mullins, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, the Big Bopper, Bo Diddley, Jim Morrison, Mama Cass, Kurt Cobain, Joey and Dee Dee Ramone performing with Carl and Dennis Wilson, and another supergroup featuring Freddy Mercury on lead vocals, Randy Rhoads and Steve Clark on guitars, Cliff Burton on bass, and John Bonham on drums.

Zeke Henry promises that this will be the greatest concert in music history. Some people think he's a looney. Others think that it could be possible for those who believe so in their hearts. John Lennon was annoyed that he and George Harrison were snubbed from the list, according to an unverified, yet totally certified source. If you believe that this concert will take place, you can buy your tickets for $200.00 each, plus $60.00 in hidden charges per ticket. No refunds, exchanges, or guarantees.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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