Man "Phasered" to Death at Sci-Fi Convention

Funny story written by JP Johnston

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

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We Come in Peace But Watch Your Mouth

Baltimore, Maryland - A murder investigation began after a young man met his death yesterday at the twice yearly "SciFiAnnualCon" in Baltimore. His bloody body was found in a dumpster outside the conference center. He had been beaten with several replica "Phaser™" pistols and rifles, and one was found inserted into his person.

The FBI are interviewing a number of suspects, although a spokesman has described the investigation as "Problematic. The only eyewitness report describes the assailants as "a bunch of spotty nerds in Star Trek ™ uniforms, with pointy ears or Klingon stuff on their heads and stuff." This makes identification of the assailants very difficult, as there were around two thousand such individuals at the convention at any one time."

Another witness described hearing the victim discussing the recently released film Star Trek™. "He said it was crap. He said there was already enough Star Trek™ shit out there, and the world could do without starting it all up again." Tellingly the victim was also heard by another witness to say, "The original series wasn't that good anyway. And if you're talking about the Next Generation, Babylon 5 was a better all round. Enterprise was probably the best Star Trek™ series ever made."

A family spokesman said the family was, "Upset, but not surprised. He was badly injured in Mobile, Alabama last year after saying Jesus was probably gay because he wore a dress, had facial hair and only hung out with men. Local police had to cut him down, and even they were pretty reluctant. "

The investigation continues.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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