Joaquin Phoenix Hired To Be The Fifth American Idol Judge

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

image for Joaquin Phoenix Hired To Be The Fifth American Idol Judge
The world famous Hollywood sign located just below NASA's new West Coast Launchpad.

HOLLYWOOD - The producers of American Idol Carole King and Neil Sedaka have just announced that they are adding a fifth judge for the upcoming ninth season of American Idol.

Sedaka stated that an American Idol committe made up of 20 individuals in the music industry spent two days interviewing prospective judges.

The group was led by Bob Dylan and included Katy Perry, Lady GaGa, Neil Young, Martina McBride, and 50 Cent.

The group narrowed the choices down to three; Madonna, Danny Bonaduce, and Joaquin Phoenix.

After six hours of deliberation the committee eliminated Madonna because they figured that picking her would have turned American Idol in a virtual 'Beeping Machine' from Madonna's x-rated language.

The committee eliminated Danny Bonaduce for three very good reasons: (1) They felt that he would probably get into a fistfight with Simon Cowell. (2) They figured that he would probably hit on Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi, and Ryan Seacrest. and (3) They figured that he would most likely end up calling Randy Jackson the "N" word along with each one of the more than 40 anti-black derogatory racist names.

So the committe settled on Joaquin Phoenix. National Geographic Magazine recently named Phoenix as "The Worst Talk Show Guest In The History of Talk Shows."

The AI producers insisted on getting Phoenix's promise (in writing) that he would (1) Give up his stupid hip-hop career. (2) Speak clearly and in a half intelligent manner. and (3) Not criticize any of the other four fellow judges even if in Paula's case it is justified and warranted.

Music Trends Illustrated Monthly Magazine has just named American Idol as "The Most Popular Music-Oriented Televsion Show of All-Time."

They added that overall it is ranked at number three behind MASH and The Beverly Hillbillies. There are some TV critics who consider The Beverly Hillbillies somewhat of a music show since Granny Clampett spent at least three minutes of each show playing either the harmonica, fiddle, banjo, kazoo, or the bass guitar.

The critics argue that in order for a show to be considered a musical show it must have at least 2 minutes and 20 seconds of musical notes; which The Beverly Hillbillies certainly did.

So what the California Institute of TV Critics has done is put an asterisk (*) besides the American Idol entry. There is a sidenote that reads: If The Beverly Hillbillies is in fact considered a music show, then American Idol will be ranked at number two in "The Most Popular Music-Oriented Television Show of All-Time" category.

Meanwhile in sports news. The winning horse in last weeks, Delaware Derby has been disqualified. It seems that the winning thoroughbred named Horsefeathers did not have a racing saddle. The jockey Nuncio Ciabatta told a reporter for The National Enquirer, "Oops, I guess I just forgot. My bad."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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