American Idol's "Bikini Girl" and Kara DioGuardi Kiss and Make Up (Sort Of)

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 25 May 2009

HOLLYWOOD - Katrina Darrell, better known as Bikini Girl was singing her heart out on Mariah Carey's song "Vision Of Love" on the season finale of American Idol when judge Kara DioGuardi walked out on stage behind her (and upstaged her).

Bikini Girl was to put it mildly not a happy camper, although one has to agree that she was certainly one fabulously exposed camper.

After the song ended, DioGuardi smiled and gave Katrina an up and down look and remarked that she wasn't all that.

Bikini Girl visibly shaken replied that there was no way that Kara could ever hope to fill out her bikini top.

Kara grinned and replied that she could if she had about four pounds of silicone.

Ryan Seacrest then stepped in between the two 'Ladies' and he cut to a Ford commercial.

After the show, all hell broke loose back stage as Kara and Katrina got into a knock down, drag out catfight.

But American Idol security soon broke it up. Then at the urging of Simon Cowell, both Kara and Katrina apologized to each other.

Kara apologized to Katrina for saying that she was talentless. And Katrina apologized to Kara for calling her the 'Before' photo in a cellulite commercial.

Then Ryan, at Simon's insistence made both girls kiss each other and make up. Kara hesitantly kissed Katrina on the cheek.

But then Katrina grabbed Kara's face with both of her hands and she planted a big wet kiss right on Kara's totally surprised mouth.

Oddly, Kara did not really seem to mind to much as she reportedly grabbed Katrina and French kissed her left ear.

After exchanging email addresses both women told a reporter for Rolling Stone Magazine that their feuding was a thing of the past.

In fact, Bikini Girl said that she likes Kara so much that she is considering getting a 'Kara D. is my BFF' tattoo just below her bikini line.

And Kara said that she likes Katrina so much that she promises to never again refer to her as garden-variety douche bag liquid.

Katrina half-smiled and stated that she will never again tell anyone that Kara's 'drapes' and 'carpet' don't match.

When asked in what way, she replied that the 'drapes' are black and the 'carpet' is actually 'red.'

Kara shot back that in the interest of accuracy that Bikini Girl should actually call herself Bikini Bitch Girl.

"You're just jealous because I stole your boyfriend Chang Fu." Bikini Girl yelled.

"He wasn't by boyfriend, he was my gardener you over-hyped pretzel-looking vulgar, nasty floosie."

"Pretzel-Looking? Well I heard that you once dated a professional hockey team back in New York."

"Well you're wrong bowling shoe breath. It was in Pennsylvania, and they were actually a semi-pro fencing team. But getting back to you.

Simon told me in strictest confidence that you have a tattoo of his $1 million Bugatti Veyron on the left side of your chundini (derriere).

"Well you're wrong 'she of the lopsided cleavage.' The tattoo is actually on the right side of my derriere (chundini). And it's not of Simon's million dollar Bugatti Veyron but of his favorite six dollar black T-shirt which he nicknamed Sir Winston.

Just then Bikini Girl's cell phone rang.

She answered it and smiled as she patiently listened. She then said, "Excuse me DioGuardi, I have to take this call. It's from in President Barack "Barry" Obama, president of The United States of America. Thank you and bye-bye now."

Meanwhile, In Beverly Hills Paula Abdul was overheard telling her Walgreens pharmacist that she and Tatiana Del Toro have decided to take a pleaure trip to Baghdad, Iraq.

Abdul said that her and "Tats" decided that after all of the American Idol drama of the past few months it will be great to just get away from all of the screaming, yelling, hollering, and backstabbing that goes on in Simon Cowell's dressing room.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more