Cheney Toted As New 'It' Man For Horror Flicks

Funny story written by rfreed

Thursday, 28 May 2009

image for Cheney Toted As New 'It' Man For Horror Flicks
Cheney In Full Makeup For His Leading Part In 'THE THING FROM HALLIBURTON'.

Casting agents, talent scouts and movie directors are ballyhooing Dick Cheney as being the new 'It' man for horror movies in Hollywood.

The former President of Vice of the United States is being lauded as our generations Boris Karloff for his potential for playing evil, twisted characters that have the ability to give film viewers nightmares that will have them wetting their beds over and over again.

Already Cheney has been given kudos for his memorable 'walk-on' bit reprising the Peter Sellers role of 'Dr. Strangelove' at Obama's Inauguration, redoing the classic part right down to the wheelchair. Future roles on the lineup for 'Dastardly Dick', the new nickname he is being toted by in the press, include that of the monster in the latest adaptation of Frankenstein and as Lurch in the new Adam's Family film.

Steven Spielberg is calling Dick Cheney "the Bela Legusi of our times. He is more scary than Bruce, my shark from Jaws. In fact, I might even use him in a rubber shark suit if I ever make a sequel to it." Quentin Tarrantino states "Cheney could be the biggest stage creep ever. He is my first choice should I ever get financing to do my feature on Vlad the Impaler. He redefines badness." Mike Tyson, a walking horror himself, even says "That Cheney gives me the willies! I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley!"

Casting directors are hot on getting the big Dick in their movies. He is slated to play the Alien role in the latest version of that film series Alien, a Tyrannosaurus in the newest Jurassic Park and as Margaret Thatcher in a biography of her life. Ann Coulter has requested that he portray her in a possible television autobiography about her.

But the greatest opportunity for the ex-politico is the full blown remake of Kubrik's Dr. Strangelove that he ironically impersonated at the inauguration. He will be reprising the physically, mentally and emotionally mad scientist who plans to sit out the oncoming nuclear war between the U.S. and Russia in an undisclosed location safely stocked with abundant food supplies and full bodied blonds. The Director feels that Cheney's lack of a sense of humor needed for the black comedy will be made up by his uncanny ability to portray so convincingly an enthusiastically loyal ex-Nazi scientist.

Possible acting roles also await other notorious Washington pundits. MGM is hot to get Karl Rove for its remake of 'The Slime' and Rush Limbaugh for 'The Blob'. Even former pseudo-President Bush the II is being requested to play Howdy Doody in a film version of the famous dummy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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