American Idol's "Bikini Girl" Makes Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson Drool

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 21 May 2009

image for American Idol's "Bikini Girl" Makes Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson Drool
Katrina Darrell, alias "Bikini Girl" lying on the sand at Malibu Beach (photo courtesy of Lindsay Lohan)

HOLLYWOOD - Katrina Darrell, aka Bikini Girl was back strutting her feminine stuff on the American Idol stage.

The 21-year-old pride of Chino Hills, California left little to the imagination as she paraded around in a bikini swimsuit that looked like it could have come out of a dental floss container.

Kit-Kat, as her grandmother calls her, showed off her sprayed on tan as well as her brand new pom-poms (knockers).

As Katrina walked on to the thunderous cheers of every male from the ages of 5 to 85 one could clearly see that this female specimen of physical perfection did not need to even sing a single note.

As she made her way across the stage to chat with Ryan Seacrest the cameras panned on judges Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson and both had looks of ecstasy and joy as they watched Miss Darrell strut her California sun kissed mangoes (jigglers) underneath the bright hot lights giving them even more of that 'just picked' look.

And the dabbed-on glitter on her ample expanse of chest cleavage gave both of her Left Coast cupcakes (doo-dahs) even more of a Hollywood flair.

It would be a safe bet to say that probably 95 percent of the American males who feasted their all-American eyes on Katrina have no earthly idea if Bikini Girl was a blonde, burnette, or red head.

As Seacrest talked to Katrina she leaned over and gave him a kiss right on his mouth. Ryan paused for a moment and glanced over at Simon and Randy who by now were both in the middle of major drooling.

In fact, Paula Abdul tried to move away from Simon but she managed to get a few drool drops on her left pinky ring.

And Kara DioGuardi tried to get away from Randy but some drool landed on her right elbow.

Both Paula and Kara could be heard yelling "eeewwwwww."

And then Ryan handed Bikini Girl the microphone and she began singing the old Helen Reddy song "I Am Woman."

After singing the first verse the camera panned behind her and there stood judge Kara DioGuardi, who early on in the auditions had made it very clear that she could not stand Katrina.

Kara took center stage and began singing the song. A stunned Bikini Girl stopped singing and began making faces and mimicking Kara as she sang.

Katrina did noticeably stick out her vavooms (speed bumps) in an effort to upstage Kara. But Kara went on singing unbothered by the animated rack antics of Katrina.

By this point both Simon and Randy had slobbered so much that both of their notepads were completely saturated with saliva.

Paula asked the director for a hand towel and a mop because her expensive $900 imported French high heels were covered with "The Dawg's" spit.

Meanwhile Bikini Girl kept singing her little lungs out and one could clearly see that it must have been very cold in the auditorium because her nip*les (teats) suddenly developed a firm, nubile perkiness about them.

Ryan later told Simon that Katrina's gazongas (maracas) reminded him of a couple of number two pencil erasers.

And just as Kara hit her last note, she smiled and opened up her trench coat revealing that she too was wearing a tiny bikini swimsuit underneath.

The camera panned in on a closeup and one could clearly see that 38-year-old Kara possesses a fine pair of niblets (bobbers) herself.

Ryan almost tripped on his tongue, Katrina turned green with envy, Paula shouted "Touchdown" and Simon and Randy almost fell out of their respective seats.

The director went to a commercial. And when they returned the Arkansas Kid, Kris Allen staged the upset of the year by beating out the highly-favored California Kid, Adam Lambert for the 2009 American Idol championship.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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