WASHINGTON D.C. President Obama today announced the details of two of his plans to pull the G.M. Corporation out of bankruptcy and toward profitability. The President explained, "General Motors is clearly in a catch-22 situation in that it must sustain and even increase sales in order to survive, but lacks the liquid capital to maintain the number of nationwide dealerships it needs in order to do so.
Therefore, as their CEO, I've devised two plans.
Starting next month we will begin selling Cadillacs and other fine G.M. products from the parking lots of Federal office buildings in all major cites. We expect this action to more than offset the thousands of dealerships G.M. has had to close because of its prior mismanagement.
Additionally, all IRS offices have been authorized to reduce penalties and interest on delinquent taxes if the debtor takes delivery of a new G.M. product from IRS stock."
The President's second plan for G.M. immediately drew sharp criticism from Republicans as well as Catholics. The former still has their panties seriously knotted over last year's embarrassing election losses, and the latter over Obama's recent Notre Dame commencement address and honorary degree.
Said the President/CEO, "G.M. had planned to shut down its ambulance manufacturing operations completely. Instead, I've authorized the immediate expenditure of federal funds to help them design and build the country's first fleet of genuine GMC Mobile Abortion Clinics.
These actions will not only improve the health of the corporation, they will help further my goal of federal government provided abortions, anytime and anyplace.
