Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle Visits Boy George In Prison
Shown at the far right is Boy George's jail cell at The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes

LONDON - "Britian's Got Talent" contestant Susan Boyle visited Boy George, aka prisoner #74316869, who is presently incarcerated at The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes in London.

Miss Boyle said that she thoroughly enjoyed her two-hour visit and she told the media that Boy George is in good spirits and even though he has gained 34 pounds he still looks very pretty.

Susan did want to emphasize the fact that her visit was just a friendly one and it was in no way a conjugal visit as had been erroneously reported in The Liverpool Daily Announcer.

Boyle said that the prison's Warden Sebastapol Pickens was totally gracious. He allowed Miss Boyle to actually go into Boy George's prison cell.

Prison guards then brought in a nice dinner for the two consisting of Granny Gertie's Sausage Crumpets, a nice helping of fish and chips which was courtesy of The Fish 'n Chips Queen Restaurant, and a gallon of Merry Ol' England Diet Tea.

Afterwards Boy George and Miss Boyle were led to the prison courtyard where Boy George & The Uncultured Club performed a "Free" courtyard concert.

The Boy asked Susan to join him onstage and together they sang his current hit "Don't Let These Prison Clothes Fool Ya, Underneath I'm Wearing A Pair Of Delicious Daisy Dukes."

The 'captive' audience went crazy as the convicts began shouting, "Hey, you sure are pretty," We love your eyebrows," and "You've got some good lookin' legs mama."

Boy George blushed, thanked the inmates, and told them that Susan deserved to hear some compliments as well.

Then BG asked Susie to join him on another of his recent hits. The band began playing, "My Ass Might Be In Prison, But My Heart's In Manchester."

And Boyle wooed the prisoners when she got to the chorus and sang the lyrics:

My ass might be in prison
but my heart's in Manchester.
and you don't need a reason
They say you're a molester.

So come and take me away
Away to your cold jail cell.
And take off that ball and chain
let's get down to show and tell.

The entire prison courtyard started cheering and hollering, Susan! Susan! Susan!

And then all of a sudden convicts started throwing their underwear up on the stage. And some even tossed the keys to their jail cells.

Boy George said that he had never seen anything like it. Susan turned red and told the 3,000 convicts that she wished that she could take them all home with her.

BG laughed and chimed in, "Hey not so fast, now back off sister."

And then in front of the 3,000 inmates Boy George presented Susan with one of his "I'm A Member of The Boy George & The Uncultured Club's Captive Audience" T-shirts.

Susan took off her blue gingham blouse revealing a pink bra and the convicts went bananas. She quickly put on the T-shirt and started prancing back and forth to the tumultuous cheering.

And then she asked the convicts to please quiet down. They immediately did. She then said that she had a gift for Boy George as well. She then reached in her purse and 14 guards instinctly drew their guns.

Boyle remarked, "It's okay boys, I'm not packing." The inmates went crazy hootin' and hollerin.'

And then Susan took out a pair of yellow size 12 knickers (panties) that she said belonged to her and she handed them to BG.

He blushed and the crowd started shouting for him to put them on. He quickly obliged the concert-goers and they started laughing and pointing because the knickers were about four sizes too big.

One of the inmates hollered out not to worry cause he would grow into them. Another one shouted, "Hey mate, I hope she kept the receipt."

Susan told the lads to pipe down or else she would bend over and show them her brand new tattoo. The convicts began shouting for her to show them her new tattoo.

Boy George finally convinced her and Boyle shyly bent over, pulled her animal print knickers down, and proudly showed off her new tattoo which read "My Heart Belongs To Scotland, But My Bottom Belongs To Simon Cowell."

In other news. Amy Winehouse has apparently asked Lindsay Lohan, who had been staying with her to leave. Winehouse told the media that Lilo is just too strange.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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