Written by rfreed

Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Psychologists Identify 'Chronic Money Wasting Disease'
"Take A Bill- Any Bill!"

Psychologists have identified a new mental illness this week. Chronic Money Wasting Disease is a psychic illness in which the individual thinks nothing of wasting money. Mental Health authorities believe it to be highly contagious, so much so that entire bureaucracies are infected with it.

"For example," says Behaviorist Flank Max, "CMWD infested the Treasury Department which insists on making pennies, nickels and dimes which cost more to make than they are worth and have no real value in the economy today. Instead of dropping them, they introduced new designs."

Another example is the space program where if a launching doesn't cost enough money to begin with, they will actually wad up bills and throw them in the nose cone to make sure it does. NASA sees no problem with spending millions on the Hubble space camera for which we citizens get a few pictures of other galaxies. Granted, they are really cool pictures of other galaxies, but they are still just pictures.

Alaska leads the nation in CMWD infestations. Bridges to nowhere include one 60 miles outside of land-locked Cordova that has not been used in 50 years that they want to rebuild so that the few tourists they get can go over to the other side.

CMWD appears to run rampant in the military and has noticeably affected the private organizations involved in the Iraqi conflict. Halliburton seems to think money gushes out of nowhere like the oil wells they thought they would get control of. Cheney's old company is famous for charging the military $100 to wash a duffel bag of GI clothes. Are they darning their socks too at that price? Blackwater and others have no problem grabbing money by the fistful and stuffing in their camos. To boot they get to kill Iraqi citizens for kicks and get away with it.

The military is famous for coming up with all sorts of gizmo's whose whole purpose is to destroy other people and things. We already have enough firepower to destroy the world several times over. Remember guys; if the whole world is destroyed it hurts profits!

Money is commonly used to throw at every problem and every boogy man that appears on the horizon. We are presently throwing money at Kim Il Jong of North Korea as a pacifier to keep him from developing more nuclear weaponry. Money is lobbed at former Soviet East Bloc countries to keep them on our side. Money is shoveled out to 'artists' who create works of 'art' that have roughly the 'artistic' equivalent of the poetry on public toilet walls.

The only cure, according to scientists, is to not let these people have money to give away in the first place. Then they tend to disappear back into their cubicles and return to surfing the the web and sending text messages to relatives on government time. It's true this is another form of wasting money, but less so than putting into their hands.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more