Written by Dan DiLucchio

Monday, 28 June 2004

image for New White House Director of Communications Named
Lt. Uhura accepts Communications Post

Washington, DC Stardate 299765. White House Director of Communications Dan Bartlett has been fired from his position. Unhappy with his inability to help Bush communicate to the country, Bartlett was moved to "Supervisor of White House Interns. "I am pleased to announce the appointment of a tried and proven communicator to planets and galaxies everywhere, Lt. Nyota Uhura," said an obviously pleased George Bush. This move serves a number of purposes including ones the President couldn't articulate at the moment, his spokespersons confessed. "Wait until Uhura starts," they said, "she'll explain it."

Lt. Uhura comes with impeccable credentials proving herself as a long time member of the Starfleet, and as early as 2266 she was Communications officer, U.S.S. Enterprise, under Capt. James T. Kirk. Subsequently, she was promoted to lieutenant commander, refit U.S.S. Enterprise under Capt. Will Decker. Other assignments included Starfleet Academy cadet training and Starfleet Command communications. This is what first brought her abilities to the attention of a then Texas Governor George Bush. "I saw her under fire when those Klingons attacked, " the President said, "She's one cool lady, and she is articulate - that's what I'm talking about."

In Swahili the name of Uhura, a striking black woman, translates to "freedom," and she speaks that language fluently. The diversity her appointment adds is one more reason the Bush staff loves her. She also has a singing voice and is expected to entertain members of the White House and Congress, accompanying herself on the Vulcan harp.

FBI background investigations revealed that Uhura had some romantic interest in Scotty, but it was never pursued. Her background check came back impeccable.

Democrats criticized the appointment saying that Uhura was basically a glorified switchboard operator, although they all agreed that she was a switchboard operator with the silkiest voice in the Alpha Quadrant.

Upon announcement of her appointment, Bush rose 97 points in the pre-election ratings. "We may actually know what he's talking about now," said happy Republican Sally Stump.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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