Written by queen mudder

Monday, 13 April 2009

image for Former Meatf***ing District Death Avenue's High Line Park granted DEA medicinal licence
The Death Avenue elevated rail viaduct was never much of a success

New York City - (High-as-a-Kite Mess): A 1930s disused elevated rail viaduct built on the site of NY's Meat***king District's notorious Death Avenue has just been granted a DEA licence to grow medicinal herbs including poppy, coca and 'natural grass'.

Running from Gansevoort Street to 34th Street the 1.45 mile-long High Line stretch of walkway-in-the-sky will be conducting trials of genetically modified Matanuska Thunderfuck that has been subjected to NASA's rigorous zero-gravity germination trials aboard the International Space Station.

Specially programmed AWACS security reconaissance craft armed with remote control stun guns will monitor the horticultural marvel to prevent predicted widespread thieving according to New York Mayor Bloomberg's office.

The botanic trials will culminate with a Labor Day Party in the High Line Park when the garden's free samples will be distributed to residents who have abstained from filching during the growing season.

Reports that hundreds of AWAC-proof cats have been secretly trained by locals to uproot and retrieve the fabled Acapulco Gold strains without detection were branded 'pure piffle' by a Residents Association source.

Mayor Bloomberg's very own Maine Coon ('Spider') holds the NYC record for herbal cat burglary.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: New York




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