Scores Missing After Statue of Liberty's Vagina Breaks Loose

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Wednesday, 4 March 2009


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Statue of Liberty, Pre-Vaginal Disharge

New York, NY -- An unknown number of VIP dignitaries are still missing today as the Statue of Liberty's vagina fell off into the New York Harbor with them in it.

Officials are not sure how many dignitaries, including members of their immediate families, were exploring that portion of Lady Liberty when it broke off into the Hudson River, but sources expect the number is "probably higher than initial estimates." Those estimates were around 50-60 people, but did not include family members.

"Apparently, all of the visitors had congregated up in the statue's vagina and are still missing at this time," an official with the Park Service stated at a hastily assembled press conference. "Why everyone was packed in that particular area at once, including why it failed, is simply unknown at this time."

Although the Statue of Liberty has been closed for years due to safety concerns, millions of dollars have been spent on safety renovations in order to bring it up to snuff.

As a result, the Obama Administration is pursuing the re-opening of the entire statue to the general public, including the crown and torch areas as well as the vaginal cavity.

Yet, evidence is now suggesting that perhaps her vagina was inexplicably neglected.

"The Park Service spent more than $20 million dollars on renovating the upper areas of the statue," explained a contractor involved with the renovations, "but they didn't spend a dime on the vagina despite the fact that we warned it was in very bad shape."

When pressed for details concerning his sensational claims, the contractor explained, "Well first of all, the vaginal cavity was extremely green with mass corrosion. But we knew it was in bad shape before we even got in there and inspected it because of the strong odor -- like rusty cans of kipper snacks."

Meanwhile, as the search continues for the missing, a Congressional Inquiry has been launched into the matter. Turns out, many in Congress were completely unaware that the Statue of Liberty even had a vagina to begin with.

"What in the world," one dumbfounded Congressman was quoted as asking, "they were standing in -- whe -- what?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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