Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

image for Lindsay Lohan Dumped By Samantha Ronson
Lindsay Lohan wearing the plaid skirt that Samantha Ronson gave her for Valentine's Day

HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan has told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres that she is so devastated by being dumped by her "Boyfriend" Samantha Ronson that she has decided to leave the country.

The 22-year-old Lohan said that since the Ronster broke up with her she has lost two pounds and she has not been able to eat, sleep, or drink, well maybe not eat or sleep.

Lohan, the quadruple threat actress, singer, model, fashion designer confessed that she has nine tattoos with Ronson's name on nine very intimate parts of her gorgeous body and she is extremely upset because she cannot afford to have them removed.

She confessed that she has never been more embarrassed in her life, except for maybe the time last September when she was photographed sensuously scratching her muffin at a Malibu Beach McDonalds.

Lohan said that the thing that really bothers the hell out of her is the fact that everyone knows that she is as close to a "10" as any girl can get, and Ronson is probably a "1.5"

Lilo said that she has been texting Amy Winehouse and that she will probably move in with her in her spacious London apartment. Lindsay smiled and added that there is a tremendous resemblance between Winehouse and Ronson.

She remarked, that both are slender, both have a lot of tattoos, both are somewhat masculine, and both are about as attractive as driftwood.

In a related story. Samantha Ronson was reportedly seen entering Madonna's Manhattan apartment and an eye witness said that Ronson was carrying what looked like an African baby.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
86 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more