Written by K J Heitz

Saturday, 26 June 2004

image for Top Doc Declares Smoking Okay
Dr. Geldofson claims smoking is fine.

Dr. Stan Geldefson, the top doctor in Smackeyville, Iowa, announced this week that smoking is "okay, I guess."

"I've thought about it for quite some time and did extensive research in my personal medical library," said the doctor who sees an average of two patients a month in a town of 73 people, "and I just don't think it could be that bad for you."

Geldefson spent six months reading every article in his more than 7,400 journals, the largest collection of pre-18th-century medical journals and textbooks in the country. What he found was nothing - zero mention of smoke related illnesses. "I think that speaks for itself," he said.

While the entire medical community wholeheartedly disagrees with his findings on the basis of "how fricking old" his sources were, Geldefson stands by his work. "I know the sources are, what the ‘experts' call dated, but, c'mon…the human body has changed very little since the good Lord created us."

Geldefson plans to publish his findings this month in the Northern Iowa Community College Journal of Medicine.

Russ Walters, a local mechanic, not only agrees with the doctor, but he also started smoking. "I was brainwashed by these crazy new high-tech doctors into thinking smoking was bad," he said. "Doc Geldefson has been good to me over the years, and if he say it ain't bad, then it ain't bad." Walters recently had his left leg amputated at the hip by Geldefson because of an ingrown toenail.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Smoking, Iowa

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