Former President George W. Bush has reportedly fallen of hard times, in spite of drawing an annual pension of almost $200k he appears to be in financial ruin. In the fifty days since losing his job, Bush has blown through his entire fortune, leaving him broke and possibly left-handed, sources say.
Federal agents stormed his ranch just outside of Cock Dangle, Texas, late last week to seize the remainder of his assets, which consisted of fourteen thousand dollars in unrolled change and a collection of dried boar heads. In spite of this devastating turn of events the 43rd President remained in good spirits, mumbling something about keeping his collection of magic beans safe.
When reached for an official comment, Bush stated, "My name is Humphry and I'm calling to learn more about long-distance savings." Indeed, these are confusing times for the out of work leader.
Sources close to Bush reveal that he blames his time as President for his complete lack of financial responsibility and plans to file legal action as soon as he can find his pants.