LONDON - Michael Jackson, 50, going on 18, has passed all of the required medical tests in order to perform concerts in the United Kingdom.
Jackson who has not performed a concert since 2001, is still very much in debt owing $7 million to Prince Abdulla of Bahrain and $50 million to Colony Capital LLC.
The cities and places in England where he has been booked to play include:
- London - The Sir Peter Ustinov School For Boys
- Manchester - The Alfred Hitchcock School For Lads
- Liverpool - The Ringo Starr School For Youngsters
- Nottingham - The Joan Collins School For Tykes
- Cardiff - The David Frost School For Little Fellas
Sir Wendell Turncastle, a promoter for Magic Mystical Purple Glove Music Productions, which is sponsoring the Jackson concerts said "Everyone knows that Mr. Jackson has somewhat of a reputation, but I want to totally assure all Brits that security at each concert will be tighter than a duck's arse."
He added that eveyone in the audience will be completely and totally safe. MMPGM Productions has assembled the largest security force in concert history.
The security team consists of 150 security guards, 150 local police officers, 300 undercover agents from Scotland Yard, and 500 fully-armed British Army soldiers commanded by General Ian "Pit Bull Nose" Kettering, III.
A spokesperson for Jackson says that Jacko is not as strange as he used to be. He did admit that yes, he does have an obsessive compulsion to wash all of his food before he eats it, which can really mess up a hamburger, a hot dog, and a plate of enchiladas something awful.
Jackson was asked if he ever talks to his ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley. He replied that he had called her last week.
When asked what they discussed, he said he asked her if she had ever heard of Frontgammon.
He then asked her if her mother (Priscilla) was still upset with him about the time when she caught him at her Malibu beach house wearing her Victoria's Secret bikini swimsuit, her gold lame sandals, and her silver tiara.
Lisa said that his mother had not even given it a second thought. She did however say that her mom still wonders how her left sandal ended up with lipstick stains on it.
Jackson has assembled quite a team of performers including a 189 piece orchestra. He has hired The New York City Rockettes to be his dancers. And his backup singers are Haley Scarnato and Sanjaya Malakar from "American Idol's" season six.
In a related story. A spokesmen for Mr. Jackson wants to dispel the rumor that has been circulating back and forth across the pond (Atlantic Ocean) that Mr. Jackson has asked "American Idol" diva Tatiana Del Toro to have his next baby.
