Doctor's Remove A Woman's Kidney Through Her Vagina

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 2 March 2009


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The team of doctors removing Audrey Banjolina Longfellow's kidney (photo by Wolf Blitzer)

BALTIMORE - A surgical team at John Hopkins Medical Center recently removed a woman's healthy kidney through her vagina.

This operation is the world's first such kidney transplantation of its kind.

Dr. Hickory Boston Kettledrum, who performed the operation, stated that there is no incision made to the patient donor's body.

He noted that this way the patient can go home in about an hour or so instead of having to remain in the hospital for 3 to 4 days.

The doctor remarked that it is truly an amazing breakthrough. He noted that the donor, Audrey Banjolina Longfellow, hardly experienced any pain whatsoever except for a slight tingling sensation.

And he commented that the slight tingling sensation is one that the average woman would normally feel from say having a middle finger inserted into her you-know-what.

Dr. Kettledrum said that 10 minutes after the surgery, the donor was able to go down three flights of stairs to the cafeteria, since the elevators were not working.

There Ms. Longfellow purchased a personal pepperoni pizza, a papaya and pistachio salad, and a 16 oz. Pepsi.

Ms. Longfellow was asked how she felt before, during, and after the surgery.

She replied that before the surgery she felt kind of anxious, like back in high school when she was waiting for her 42-year-old high school prom date to pick her up.

During the surgery, she said that she was a little concerned and apprehensive, but only because there were a total of 17 people in the operating room and there she was up in the stirrups with her sweet little muffin totally exposed.

She said that she's not exactly on the shy side, because on more than four occasions she has participated in a menage-a-tois.

Ms. Longfellow said that what concerned her was that the CNN camera crew, the ABC camera crew, and the PBS camera crew all kept hollering for her to smile.

She said that halfway through the surgery she actually started laughing uncontrolably. When asked why, she replied because the damn speculum was colder than a Wisconsin ditch digger's ass.

She then said that she thinks that she may have peed on herself since toward the end of the surgery she heard one of the doctors yell out to one of the nurses to hurry up and go find a friggin' mop.

In a related story. Dr. Kettledrum says that in April his team of amazing doctors, known throughout the East Coast as "Dr. Kettledrum's Team of Amazing Doctors" will perform what will be the world's first removal of an ovary through the patient's left ear.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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