Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 22 June 2004

(Little Cock, Arkansas; Tuesday 22nd June) Former US President Bill Clinton's autobiography "My Lie" has gone on sale in bookshops across America.

An initial print run of 10 million is expected to sell out by the weekend as the public queues up to read the dirt dished on the ex-President's former chums in the notorious Hellfire Club, to which he was initiated during his 1970 Rhodes Scholarship at the UK's prestigious Oxford University.

High on his UK list of fellow initiates is notorious former KGB spy, ex-Blair crony and disgraced former Lord Chancellor "Lord" Derry Irvine who so impressed Clinton with his ability to gag twenty years of UK civil and criminal High Court lawsuits that so spectacularly illustrated the massive property heist which became the US's Whitewater scandal and eventually came home to roost in Ken Lay's back yard when the proceeds of illicit mortgage laundering funds resulted in the demise of energy giant Enron.

Clinton also names "HRH Prince Andrew" as a KGB look-alike spawned by Irvine and Sarah Farish, wife of departing US Ambassador to the Court of St James's ,and lists over $20 million paid to him and his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson directly from Enron offshore coffers in the Bahamas to guarantee a sweet life on both sides of the Atlantic.

More shocking still is the revelation that Irvine also has a younger bastard son who has recently emerged in public life as Russian oil tycoon and boss of Chelsea Football Club Roman Abramovich. The President's memoir cites CIA printouts of DNA tests conducted in the early 1980s that show Abramovich to be a bastard nephew of the UK's "Queen Elizabeth II". Those same printouts also identify the late "Princess Diana" and UK rag trade rent boy Philip Green as the real parents of Chelsea Clinton - a doppelganger who replaced the original Chelsea after her unexpected demise at her parents' Little Rock home in late 1980.

As copies of the tome fly off the bookshelves, several Hollywood studios are believed to be lining up to sign up the movie rights. Steve Martin has been pencilled in to play Clinton and Nicole Kidman as Hillary.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: America, Names

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