Hollywood CA: The respected heads of the porn industry have made a pitch to the Obama Administration and to the 111th Congress for a $5 Million Bailout Package for the PORN Industry. The initial plea made to the outgoing Bush Administration was limp and fell on deaf ears.
The request reiterated to the new administration and to the boobs in Congress that "the PORN Industry has fallen on hard times in this slumping economy and is in a deep hole." The speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, was quoted how "the government getting more bang for the buck out of any new Stimulus Packages." And that the porn industry is capable of doing that!"
Reporters wanted to know what the PORN Industry would do with any influx of capital provided by the Treasury. They said, "we will get things up and running again avoiding layoffs, except when necessary in the course of business. Look how the other financial bailouts screwed the country; we can do a lot better. A cottage industry of do it yourself video and Internet amateurs has sprung up, which is further pirating our industry's quality products."
They also said "the PORN Industry will provide free services and products to Congress persons, no matter which way they swing. There will be no more earmarks unless you are kinky. In the long run the government will save money by keeping Congress close to Washington DC."
Other reporters were interested in use of new technology and job creation by the PORN Industry.
"We have to get the ball rolling again. New computer billing technology will allow the PORN Industry to implement drive through facilities for selling our wares, just like the Fast Food Industry. We are looking at DVDs, PDAs and cell phones to expand our exposure and market share.
"We can create new jobs for example, Debbie Does Dallas employed a lot of extras in Texas, exclusive of the number of actors/actresses, personal trainers, up stair's and down stair's maids that are currently on our payroll. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The session was ended with "Al Gore had made a large monetary donation, when I told him that Global Warming was the cause of all these actors/actresses taking their clothes off. The new Treasury Secretary is a real pussy if he doesn't loan the PORN Industry the money to allow us to continue producing our own stimulus packages."
