Written by Morse

Thursday, 29 January 2009

image for Britain to Bail Out Automakers: On the Road Again With Morgan and MG Motors!
Purists Rejoice Looking Into Distributor Cap of Original Lucas Electrics on Classic English Sports Cars!

London,UK/ Auto Nostalgia News - Treasury Business Secretary Peter Mandelson made auto news today with the announcement that $3.2B would be made available to bring back iconic English car marquees, Morgan and MG Motors in the hopes of stimulating the economy by reawakening masochistic English car lovers the world over!

The English Carpentry and Jointers Union was especially excited, as the wood framed Morgan would enable the union to once again regain its prominence in world standing, even surpassing Norm Abrams, resident carpenter on the Colony's famous TV show "This Old House."

Union leaders were canvassing alms houses in the Uk, trying to dig up old members of the union and talk them into coming back to work. The original Morgan frame patterns still exist, and only lack the skilled hands to shape the imported exotic wood into the breathless underpinnings of the quixotic car.

New technology has improved from the 50's and 60's, and experts said the new underpinnings will probably be made from Brazilian Redwood, a timber impervious to termites, spontaneous combustion,and painful splintering.

Purists may show distain, but Lloyds of London was quite happy.

The new model is tentatively being called the Morgan Plus 5, a logical progression from the popular Plus 4. In an accommodation, the plus 5 will have REAL shock absorbers, metal springs, and a rack and pinion steering system, a significant upgrade to the tightly sprung, some called "back breaking" , ride of earlier models.

As regards the MG, it will be all RETRO. Side curtains, wind wings, spare tyre on the boot, and leather tie downs on the bonnet, with 2 18" fog lights welded to the bumper in addition to the 2 40 watt bulbs in the original bullet type lamps on the fenders. Tyre size will be increased from the original 4/21x14 to a racing profile of 245/45x20 to fit under the greatly expanded , but gracefully sculptured fenders.

In keeping with authenticity, Lucas electrics will still be the standard fare, and to aid the purist a hand crank, a 12 volt hair dryer and gas lights will be mandatory, and necessary features to aid in your driving pleasure.

A full set of tools will be provided in a hand sewn leather kip, including a ball peen hammer to knock the old starter a time or two when its cranky on a misty day, road flares, a wheel puller for the knock off wires (don't forget to lube the splines!) and "jumper cables" if your date won't sit still.

Power will be provided by in line Rolls Royce Merlin WW II engines, slightly modified. The original Spitfire power plants, 16 cylinders and over 1000 HP, will be sectioned off to achieve 8 separate engines from one block. The 2 cylinder power plants will be fitted with modern fuel injection, a turbo charger, inter-cooler and nitros oxide for that extra "little something" to take you thru the round abouts on 2 wheels in dashing fashion.

The deluxe estate models of both vehicles come with a pair of Barbour Jackets, Wellies, fine leather driving gloves , checked knickers, matching luggage from Orvis, wood grain fine English hand sewn hides as well as a life time pass to AAA and more importantly, AA.

Manufactures say due to the handcrafting of the vehicles they expect to turn out 5-8 vehicles a year of each brand, and the full production run has been spoken for through 2088.

Due to the generous government subsidy the Morgan is selling for L4050 , while the MG is going for L3590. Don't forget, this is a STIMULUS!

GORDON BROWN....Thanks in advance for the MEMORIES!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
43 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more