Washington, DC - In honor of Obama's call for a national day of service, the International Sex Workers Union has announced that it will provide call girl escort services to any Washingtonian free of charge.
"We voted on the measure and it was nearly unanimous," said the spokeswoman for the sex workers union. "Real Democracy in action."
Only the sex workers at Local 69 in Washington, DC, the ones that would actually be doing most of the work, voted against the measure.
The leadership of Local 69 estimates the free escort services will be anything but free to its members.
"Who's going to pay for the extra equipment I need to do the job?" said "Trixi", one Local 69 disgruntled sex workers. "Don't get me wrong, I want to serve my fellow man, even if it's on my knees. But I can't swallow this. I can't afford it. I have medical bills to pay, you know. I just had back surgery to lance some infected bed sores."
Hearing of their plight, Local 69 has received care packages from fellow sex workers, members of the union or not, from all around the world.
"It's a miracle," said "Agent 99" of Local 69. "Now we have everything we need to do any man right."
In boxes, covered in lipstick kisses, came delivery after deliver of mattresses, kneepads, mouthwash, eye goggles and shampoo.
"We're all sisters." said "Frau Burger", a new comer to the Intl Sex Workers Union. "And those of us that are not just yet are well on their way of becoming one, like me. And sisters stick together -- for an extra surcharge discreetly billed to your credit card. Nah, I'm just kidding. That's free too, but only for today, okay?"
