Bristol Palin, 18, Sells First Baby's Photos For $300,000

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

image for Bristol Palin, 18, Sells First Baby's Photos For $300,000
The Good Sister's of The Charging Caribou Hospital in Palmer, Alaska where Tripp Johnston was born

PALMER, Alaska - Bristol Palin and her boyfriend Levi Johnston are $300,000 richer thanks to the arrival of their baby, 7 lb. 4 oz. Tripp Easton Mitchel Johnston.

The hunting publication, Moose Monthly Review paid Palin and Johnston for the exclusive rights to publish Tripp's first baby photos.

Levi was beaming with pride as he yelled out, "I've got me a future mean-as-heck hockey player."

Bristol told reporters that the childbirth pain was 20 times more painful than the time back when she was on a grade school field trip and she got stepped on by a deranged overweight elk.

Levi called his grandmother and said, "Hey granny, guess what? We just got us the money to pay for Mom's bail."

Bristol eating an Eskimo Pie remarked, "and Levi hon, now we can finally afford to get me those three intimate body piercings that you've been wanting me to get."

When asked to comment on her new grandson, Governor Sarah 'Snowflake' Palin replied, "You know, I can hardly wait to take the little fella moose hunting."

And then Palin who was reading a book on reindeer stalking from a helicopter added, "And yes, I can see the Hospital from my front porch."

Bristol's father, Todd, could not be reached for comment. He was up in Nome competing in the 37th Annual Eskimo Empress High-Endurance Low-Cal Snowmobile Races.

Levi was asked where they got the name Tripp. And he replied, "We named him Tripp after a moose hunting trip I took last year up near the Continental Divide.

I was walking and eating a salmon sandwich and suddenly I lost my footing and I fell off a snowbank. I tumbled 80 yards smack dab into a group of rabid polar bears, which thrilled to say my ass out ran."

When he was asked why Tripp with two P's, Levi shrugged his shoulder, took a sip of his Schlitz Beer, and casually answered, "I dunno."

Bristol taking bites out of a Klondike Bar chimed in, "We named him Tripp with the extra P so his name wouldn't be confused with the word trip, you know, like when the family all gets in the snowplow and takes a trip to the grocery store."

Levi added, "My first choice was to name him Puck after the hockey puck, but Governor Mom vetoed it because she said she felt that it sounded too much like the F-word."

In a developing story. Governor Palin told a reporter for The Juneau Journal Dispatch Daily that preparations for her invasion of Russia are presently about 97% complete. The main hold up is that they are still waiting on the military snow boots shipment to arrive from Switizerland.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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