WASHINGTON-By an overwhelming margin, the White House passed the controversial Patriot Act 2, allowing broader surveillance controls to combat terrorism. Its impact has been felt immediately, as the public has unanimously decided it is beneficial.
"At first I was a little frightened by it," said Montana farmer Bobby Haskell. "But then the Thought Police told me that I was committing thoughtcrime. After thinking about it for a minute, I realized they were right. This is a doubleplusgood decision."
While political differences no longer exist under the Patriot Act, it was clear that conservatives benefited most from the Act. One of their biggest advantages was that the Ruler of our Nation, George Bush, is now guaranteed to be Ruler for as long as he chooses. A liberal senator from Massachusetts who had been challenging Bush has since been vaporized, making him an unperson, and guaranteeing Bush the presidency.
Since the passage of the Act, support for the war has been at an all-time high, at 100% in the latest poll. Eugene Pederson, a prole from Idaho, said "I used to be against this war in Iraq, because I didn't think it was necessary. But then I remembered that 'We are at war with Iraq, and we have always been at war with Iraq' and it started to make sense. Anyway, War is Peace, so we are really at peace with them... right?"
One group that was upset with the Act was the book industry, which saw several of its best-selling authors become unpersons. One store in Chicago saw a 75% decrease in sales. However, a new report by Miniplenty (a new Economic ministry created by the Patriot Act) showed that they, in fact, had a 75% increase in sales, which calmed the industry down.
Senator Kent Conrad (D-ND), one of the few Democrats who was not vaporized, was also pleased with the Act. "I think it's a plusgood thing for America. It simultaneously increases surveillance on all our citizens AND increases their freedoms. The Patriot Act 2 is a great thing for this country. Any goodthinker would agree with me there. I love George Bush. I love George Bush. I love George Bush."
Discussions are already in place for a Patriot Act 3, which will further enhance the aims of Patriot Act 2. I personally hope it doesn't pass, for I think the government has enough power already.... correction, I duckspoke. I love my government and want them to pass the Patriot Act 3.
