John Ashcroft Memo: Get Phreaky

Written by Chuck Terzella

Wednesday, 9 June 2004

John Ashcroft has refused to deliver to a Senate Sub Committee a copy of a March,2003 memo that the Justice Department issued at the request of the White House condoning the use of torture and bad words in interrogations of non military prisoners being detained at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and in Iraq.

In a heated discussion with Committee member Senator Joe Biden, John (In God We Trust, Fuck You Heathens) Ashcroft, Attorney General of the United States swore he would hold his breath till he turned blue rather than release a copy of the memo which would, if reports are to be believed, prove that President George W. Bush is really into some kinky shit. Apparently, President Bush first told the Pentagon that it was justified in the use of torture, but the Military, knowing that what goes around comes around and one day their boys and girls could find themselves dressed in a poncho and hood on a box, declined to get involved.

George (Spank Me Laura, I've Been Bad) Bush then went to his fellow Christian John Ashcroft, who not only thought that torture could be legally justified, but that it was pretty hot too. Ashcroft delivered his legal opinion to the Commander in Phreak who then authorized the use of CIA Civilian Operatives to do the actual beatings and degradations, as long as they took lots of pictures he could keep in his underwear drawer.

(This story approved by Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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