Washington D.C - In what's being called a far-sighted and audacious move by environmentalists and security experts alike, the US Government today announced that it's seeking to eliminate Japan - and by extension Japan's hurricane causing butterflies - in a bid to avoid a repeat of so-called natural disasters such as Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
Whitehouse Environment Spokesperson Norma Cather explained the thinking behind Operation Flutter-Fuck to the assembled press.
"It's called The Butterfly Effect and it's something that our security people on the ground are increasingly worried about. It's a well known fact that when a butterfly flaps its wings in Japan, it can start a hurricane on the other side of the world. Well ladies and gentlemen, that previously unexplained intense Hurricane activity in the last decade? We've finally learned the cause - and how to stop it."
Displaying Google Earth pictures of Japan, Ms. Cather talked reporters through the various findings of days of Internet research.
"If you look at these glass structures closely you'll see the Japanese have been erecting what they call Butterfly Houses for some time now. Some of our sources say this activity has been going on for millennia. Obviously this aggression will not stand. And the way they protect these structures from combatant forces by placing them in city parks shows the callous nature of the people we are dealing with."
Asked if there was any room for negotiation with the Japanese over the erection of such structures, Ms. Cather explained that the time for talking had already passed.
"We believe that the Japanese have been breeding more and more hurricane causing butterflies, dangerous species like Narathura Japanica Japanica and Daimio Tethys, whose air displacement abilities are terrifying. And there is evidence that they've been using these deadly insects on their own people, releasing the power the butterflies to create something we've dubbed, the 'Monsoon'.
The only option left open to us is all-out-warfare on the Japanese and other weather affected countries are right behind us. The British had a particularly wet summer last year and the Australians have had an ongoing drought. We are assured that the coming military action will restore the natural order of things and end this unexplained weather phenomenon we've experienced."
Speaking after the conference, Mark Carothers from environmental pressure group Earth First welcomed the initiative.
"For too long the US administration has stood by and watched the changes to our world's atmosphere literally tear swathes of the United States apart. In our view, the coming war shows a commitment to tackling what is obviously the root cause of these freak weather occurrences with a war that will destroy most of South East Asia without damaging our own homeland."
No one from the Japanese government was available for comment.
