Drunk tank driver puts citizens at risk

Earth -- Military official, Joseph F. Schmoe, decided on Wednesday to drink with his friends, even though he was to drive a tank later that night. Apparently he knew the risks, and was willing to take them.
"I was just having a little fun with my friends! I mean, heck, no people were killed, what's so bad about that?" he states.
John Hotsnicam, the owner of a cat who was needlessly murdered due to Joseph's reckless driving. He will be ruthlessly outraged once he comes out of denial. All he could tell our reporter was, "Have you seen my pink Fluffy-fluff-fluff? He's around here somewhere. Heeeere, kitty kitty kitty, heeeere!"
Joseph's superior officers assure Americans that this is the result of only one person's actions, and should not be taken as a representation of the American military in general.
"He's just a little more retarded than some of us," said one General. "It's not really a problem we need to address publicly."
Joseph may or may not be discharged, claiming there was a possible malfunction in the tank's engine.