Cops use sperm to nab horny burglar

Funny story written by Mary Popin

Monday, 17 November 2008

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Sperm found on roast turkey

LYNCHING, Va. - A prosecutor says sperm stains led police in Vancouver to a suspect with sticky fingers.

Assistant Attorney Bertha Jackson said Lynching police matched stains on an penis enlarger left at the scene of a breaking and entering to 63-year-old Bernard Mathews. He was sentenced Friday to one year in prison after being found guilty of three counts of burglary and two counts of masturbation.

Jackson said Mathews masturbated on appliances, jewelry and tools in several homes last June and masturbated in all his victims' refrigerators. At one of the crime scenes, police found his sperm in a milk bottle and sperm on a half eaten roasted turkey.

Jackson says police also recovered some the 78 bags of sage and onion stuffing also reported stolen when they went to Mathews's home to arrest him.

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