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Funny satire stories about sperm

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Funny story: Boris Johnson flaunts pregnant girlfriend to distract media

Boris Johnson flaunts pregnant girlfriend to distract media

Today's newspapers all feature the same grotesque photograph of the Prime Minister slobbering over his girlfriend Carrie Symonds like a bonobo humping a mannequin. By boasting about impregnating yet another woman in a coordinated press release, h...

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Funny story: Tracing the source of an unwanted bank deposit

Tracing the source of an unwanted bank deposit

A repeated anonymous donor from Stoke has been thrown out of his home by his wife. John Ewes, 42, occasional smoker, had been donating to local sperm banks for 22 years and had never once informed his wife. Mary Ewes, 42, smoker (we think she was...

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Funny story: Masturbation Police May Be Necessary

Masturbation Police May Be Necessary

Joni Ernst, the GOP candidate for the U.S. Senate in Iowa today spoke about the "sanctity of sacred sperm." "While it is true that a fertilized egg is a person, which is my position that certainly outlaws abortion in the cases of rape or incest,...

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Funny story: Children Born from Sperm Donors Seeking out Genetic Family

Children Born from Sperm Donors Seeking out Genetic Family

"I wish I had left everything alone", states one daughter of a sperm donor. "Dad was Bad! No, but he sure wasn't much to look at." Margaret is just one of hundreds of Sperm-Donor babies that now want to find out who donated the sperm. "It wasn'...

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Funny story: Pot Smoker at Sperm Bank and Clinic Admits to Replacing Human Sperm With That of Jackass

Pot Smoker at Sperm Bank and Clinic Admits to Replacing Human Sperm With That of Jackass

A worker at a Sperm Bank and Clinic in Minnesota has been caught in the act of replacing sperm donations with other sperm while he was smoking marijuana. "Jerry was left by himself and has been a faithful employee and earned his job", state spokes...

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Funny story: Sperm Bank and Clinic Say Worker Fired Over Subbing His Own Sperm

Sperm Bank and Clinic Say Worker Fired Over Subbing His Own Sperm

A Sperm Bank and Clinic in Salt Lake City have fired worker, John Smith, for dumping donated sperm and replacing it with his own at a fertility clinic . A spokesman for the clinic, which may have a large lawsuit on it's hands, told reporters Tuesd...

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Funny story: Justin Makes Daily Trip To Sperm Bank

Justin Makes Daily Trip To Sperm Bank

You would think that Justin Bieber is trying to save up his sperm as at least his own blood supply, according to news reporters and some fans. But he is donating sperm regularly. He has apparently been changing banks lately after being spotted (an...

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Funny story: Sperm Banks ATM Machines Not The Best Idea!

Sperm Banks ATM Machines Not The Best Idea!

Several cities, because of the lack of donations, have placed after hours ATM Machines at their sperm banks. Now you can go to the blood plasma bank and get some cash and then you go over to the Sperm Bank ATM and who knows how many children we wi...

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Funny story: Cardinal Baloney Addresses Abortion and Contraception

Cardinal Baloney Addresses Abortion and Contraception

Catholic clergy and institutions have responded to the ACLU lawsuit against the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops over denial of "proper health care." The case involves a catholic hospital in Muskegon, which turned away a pregnant mother...

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Funny story: The true origins of Marvel Comic's Human Torch

The true origins of Marvel Comic's Human Torch

Hot-headed teen Johnny Storm rode his future brother-in-law's crotch rocket through what Reed Richards said was a stream of "cosmic rays" but which, in the comic book sequence during which this scene occurs, off-screen, so to speak, in shadows, beneath a full room, amid wine and roses, looks much like gobs of Richards' ejaculate. The experience changed both partners forever, as it did onlookers...

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Funny story: Canada's new phunny munny

Canada's new phunny munny

OTTAWA, MANITOBA - Pranksters who work for the Bank of Canada shocked and amused citizens of the northernmost North American Continent nation by infusing the green ink with which its banknotes are printed with lysergic acid dyethylmiode (LSD or, depe...

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Funny story: Tuesday's solar eclipse to wreak havoc with New Yorkers' sperm motility

Tuesday's solar eclipse to wreak havoc with New Yorkers' sperm motility

New York - A Public Health notice posted on the corner of E.86th and 5th is warning the aspect occurs in the 'fixed' water sign of Scorpio that rules the gonads, oil and gas and various Middle Eastern tinpot dictatorships. Particularly affected a...

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Funny story: Latest NASA Mission - SPERM

Latest NASA Mission - SPERM

Vandenberg AFB / 30th Space Wing (AP) - Like a facial on a Friday night, NASA's latest mission will hit you right between the eyes as they search for information to help the Western Snowy Plover reproduce. The Snowy Plover Ecological Reconnaissance M...

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Funny story: Man Who Donated Heavily To A Sperm Bank Keeps Running Into His Kinfolk

Man Who Donated Heavily To A Sperm Bank Keeps Running Into His Kinfolk

Lancashire, U.K. - In a story that can only be seen in light of that old adage, reversed, 'What comes a round, goes around,' a German expatriate living as a civil servant in Britain, Helmut Heins, has claimed to have fathered over 10,000 children thr...

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Funny story: Japanese Develop Human Sperm in Mice

Japanese Develop Human Sperm in Mice

Just in case the world runs of out human beings, scientists at the Tokyo Institute for Genetic Research, have come up with a novel solution. Mice, those rodents we love to see on Tom and Jerry and in the two Houses of Congress, have been modified...

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Funny story: Sperm Donors Monthly Gazette. Letters to the Editor

Sperm Donors Monthly Gazette. Letters to the Editor

Dear Sir, As an avid onanist, I was wondering if you could publish the best place to off load my semen. Yours respectfully W. Anker London Dear Sir, In last months edition, you stated that swingers could suppliment their income by putting their jiz in a jar and selling it to a clinic. My wife and I tried this, and it has taken us a month to fill a small jam jar. What sort of pr...

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Funny story: New Sperm Donation Campaign

New Sperm Donation Campaign

A new campaign to encourage sperm donors to come forward and help childless couples to conceive is targeting sports stars in an attempt to increase media exposure. Donors are not paid, but can claim expenses for tissues, redecoration, cleaning of...

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