Perverts across the USA were all smiles this morning with the launch of the world's first Cheerleader Masturbation kit.
A spokesman for the manufacturer of the kit spoke to a packed group of raincoat-clad 50 year-old bald men at the company's latest store in Las Cruces, to announce the incredible new device.
'We believe we're breaking new ground here', he said excitedly, 'producing a product which will appeal to all the sad no-hopers out there who have no wife, no girlfriend, and no sex. They spend their lives fantasising about screwing a cheerleader's perfect ass, but in reality, the closest they'll ever get is 100 yards away at a football match, or maybe a messy jerk-off session perched in front of their TV, desperately hoping to see a short skirt panty crotch shot as the girls perform their routine. We aim to change all that!'
He went on to describe the new Kit, which comes complete with adjustable headband attachment to fit all sizes of bald men. Projecting out from ther headband and hanging in the line of sight is a perfect pair of plastic buttocks, clothed in skimpy panties and pantyhose, just hidden from view by a very short skirt.
'Here's the idea', said the spokesman, 'the pervert bobs his head up and down, desperate to lift up the skirt and get a view of that ass, and in doing so, the front of the device, which is attached to his penis, will proceed to masturbate him to ecstasy.'
Afterwards there was a virtual stampede by the assembled group of perverts as they rushed into the store to purchase their very own Cheerleader Masturbation Kit.
One particularly happy old man paused from chewing on a burrito, to tell us how excited he was to buy a Kit. 'This is great!', he said, 'now when my mom's down the store, I can masturbate myself silly! By the way, does it come with any spare panties?'
