Written by Dignan

Friday, 24 October 2008

Recent surveys suggest that having President George W. Bush as an example of a Yale alumnus has damaged the prestige of a Yale degree almost to that of a rural community college.

The results of this survey - conducted in a joint effort by graduate students from Princeton, Colgate, Northwestern, Stanford, Cornell, Brown, Rice, Harvard, Columbia, the University of Chicago, and seventy-one other schools - have many of Yale's Ivy League rivals hooting with glee.

"This is a crippling blow for dear old Yale," lamented J. Everett Trouserdown III (Class of '66), a Yale booster. "Every time Bushie says the word 'nukuler' into a microphone a whole carload of ruling class white males apply to Dartmouth."

It seems Mr. Trouserdown is hardly exaggerating. The scions of old, elitist money have been steering clear of Yale in record numbers, despite their personal affections for the president.

"Look, it so totally has nothing to do with like or dislike of President Bush," sniffed Tanner Bannister, an Exeter student who'll be starting at Bennington next year. "We think he's everything a president should be - a closed-minded, classist bigot with a palpable hate for anyone who isn't a white billionaire. But I've got hotels in sixteen countries I'll be running five years from now and I want a degree from a big-time college hanging beside my portrait in my office."

Students currently enrolled at Yale are crying "foul" on the survey and especially at some of the schools involved.

Yale junior Tabitha Wainscoting is particularly frustrated that Harvard participated in the survey when, in fact, President Bush also attended, and got a Master's Degree, from Harvard. Ms. Wainscoting was happy to voice her opinion via telephone from her father's private plane.

"It's like so wrong that we should be held to standards like poor people or something. Harvard shouldn't be such traitors to their class and everybody else who doesn't have a lot of money should just shut up and rake their leaves or make tacos or whatever it is they do. If you're rich you can't be stupid. That's how it works. End of story."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: George W. Bush

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