OJ Simpson convicted, vows to write 'If I did it this time' tell-all while in prison

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

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"Mine, I tell you, mine!"

OJ Simpson has been found guilty of 169 charges of armed robbery, conspiracy to kidnap and assault with a deadly badger by a court in the US city of Las Vegas.

The armed robbery charges carry a mandatory jail sentence and kidnapping carries a possible life term.

Simpson, 61, who denied the charges, was acquitted in 1995 of murdering his former wife and her 'friend'.

The charges in the latest trial centered on an incident in the Paris Hilton hotel in Las Vegas in September 2007.

Simpson was accused - and convicted - of kidnapping two sports memorabilia dealers and holding them hostage at the baccarat table in the hotel casino.

The former National Football League running back snatched the pair in an attempt to reclaim items in their possession related to his sporting career, which Simpson claimed still belonged to him.

Simpson was found guilty on all charges by the Las Vegas jury.

Simpson blew out a bubblegum bubble and nodded as the verdict was read out. He was then led away with his hands cuffed by police. He will be sentenced in December.

The judge refused to grant him bail or cable access pending sentencing.

When asked by reporters what his plans now were, Simpson stood up straight and swore that he was innocent and will spend the rest of his life, if necessary, tirelessly searching for the true criminal.

He also announced tentative plans to write a comprehensive tell-all while in prison called, 'If I Did It This Time'. He will write the book, he said, to help clear his name and in no way does he hope to make money from sensational criminal acts - real or alleged - that he may or may not have committed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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