Alaska Secedes from USA, Palin Leaves Campaign to be First President

Written by mgoosen

Sunday, 12 October 2008

image for Alaska Secedes from USA, Palin Leaves Campaign to be First President
Helicopter hunting of Polar Bears to be a new economic engine for the country of Alaska

In a surprising turn of events, the Democrat-controlled US Congress accepted a petition from the Alaskan Independence Party to allow the state to secede. Upon learning this, Sarah Palin immediately dropped out of the US Vice-Presidential race to take the helm as President of the new country of Alaska.

According to Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, "Every year we receive the same petition from this group, but until now, we've pretty much ignored it as coming from a bunch of kooks. However, upon learning that the husband of the Republican candidate for Vice-President was a member of this group, we decided to take it more seriously. After considering the pros and cons, we realized the "lower 48" would be a heck of a lot better off without having to support and defend Alaska. The defense costs of protecting them from Russia, which you can see from most of the windows in the state, far outweigh any benefits of buying over-priced oil from them and paying for their bridges to nowhere".

The new President of Alaska quickly worked to begin learning the foreign policy she would need for her job. She set up meetings with the Prime Minister of Canada and with Vladimir Putin, Grand Poobah of Russia.

President Palin said this of Mr. Putin. "I looked in his eyes and saw a kindred soul. You betcha we had some very useful discussions about how to deal with the liberal elitist press and with annoyin' legislatures. He gave me some great pointers, and now that darned state trooper who we've been out to punish is layin' in a hospital with his hair and teeth fallin' out. And in the next bed is that feller who headed that darned 'troopergate' investigation."

Palin also announced agreements with Russia and Canada for new tourism focusing on helicopter hunting of Polar Bears and Arctic Wolves. "Without all those pesky environmental laws from the US of A, we can pretty much do what the heck we want. We've already negotiated oil leases on all of the old national parklands, and drillin' should start next month".

In addition, President Palin also signed an executive order banning abortions and legalizing rape and incest "So we can populate our country and have our babies the good old fashioned Alaskan way".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more