Feminists Outrage at Gillette's "Presidential Toiletry Products;" Plan Protests of NOT shaving

Funny story written by winston_smith

Thursday, 25 September 2008


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image for Feminists Outrage at Gillette's "Presidential Toiletry Products;" Plan Protests of NOT shaving
Keep that Pelt fresh as the Alaskan Frontier

Boston, Ma - Feminists were outraged today at Gillette's, world's biggest manufacturer of shaving and grooming products, at their unveiling of a personal toiletry tentatively called, "Presidential Essentials".

In what appears to be a bid to capitalize on one particular candidate's sex, Gillette has introduced what is tentatively called "Peltmeister 2008".

In an initial viewing of a test commercial, a model, wearing a now too familiar set of glasses and hairdo of Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Pallin, coos into the camera while holding a large rodent, "If you have to shave the beaver do it with a Peltmeister."

Linda Furlong, long time advocate for women's groups and media spokeswoman said this,"It's obvious in the inference, it's sexist, it's demeaning, and its subjugating."

Former Gillette spokesperson, Jack Rattatoni, said this in response, "Whhhatttt sa matter with her, ain't getting any?"

The razor, designed specifically for the thematic marketing of Alaskan frontier, features a bone handle grip, multi bladed in tact, front shave with a curved back for those hard to access points, it also doubles as a gut hook.

Ms. Furlong stated that a protest was being organized to, "just stop shaving period".(SIC) It was unclarified whether she meant complete stop or just during her period.

Along with the introduction of a new razor, Gillette will market, "Bare Scent" an underarm aerosol and roll on.

And , what might be construed as the most controversial product, a new feminie hygiene spray; to which the same model asks a man.

"Juneau?" rather coyly.

His response, "No I didn't know…I didn't smell a thing"

Woman's voice over with the man's head disappearing…
"Juneau….it makes scents"

Ms. Furlong could barely contain her composure when asked to comment on billboard advertisement coinciding with the proposed media campaign. Gillette's prominent patented slogan, "The best a man can get" with Senator McCain and Governor Pallin arm and arm.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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