Supporters, staffers, already pledged endorsements, advisors, script writers (nobody knows) and even Dick Cheney (probably) are shocked with the news of Senator Barack Obama's (D-IL) dramatic, albeit logical, newest shift towards the center as he prepares for the general election against Senator John Mccain (R-AZ).
That Senator Barrack Obama has taken his new "right shift" to a combination of his previous shifts, which had supporters questioning his integrity and pundits recommending sophistically that the Senator watch a music video featuring Will I Am. This proposal, in his first policy announcement since he officially declared that sliced bread was the greatest invention ever (if this did not happen, then I cannot remember the last time he announced an actual, real life policy), that his support of handguns and his support of the death penalty should be combined for a quick, efficient, and cost-effective single shot to the brain method of termination.
"Well, people have always questioned the death penalty for a variety of reasons" Senator Obama opined, "and one of them is economic. So long as I continue to support the death penalty, and support the right of Americans to carry concealable lethal weapons, I see no reason why the second cannot accomplish the first." As if this wasn't enough, Obama continued "many of my ideas, such as "yes, we can", are going to cost the government a lot of money, and this is easy way to limit expenditures"
Many prominent Americans were reached for comment on this breaking story, but almost none were able to gather their thoughts quickly enough (I have an iphone, that shits expensive) to give an honest answer. The single exception to this was a quick and decisive "I wanna rip his nuts out, even more" from former presidential candidate Jesse Jackson, who remarked just a few weeks ago "I wanna rip his nuts out" in response to ... well more as a pre-empted strike.
In related news, betting odds are now favouring three weeks as the most likely timeline for the publishing of a photo of Senator Obama literally clinging to both a bible and an uzi.
