Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for Fay Florida Bound NHC Issues Advice

Coral Gables, Miami (IPP) - The National Hurricane center (NHC) in Coral Gables, Florida is advising Florida residents to acquire life preservers and water wings and to put them on and keep them on until further notice.

The NHC is telling Floridians to put on their life jackets and wear them while driving their cars and also while they visit stores and restaurants and while they sleep at night.

Florida Governor Charlie Crist appeared on emergency television broadcasts and he wore his life jacket during the original televised press conference. He is advising all Floridians to don their flotation devices as soon as possible and he said he could not stress enough how important it is to keep the jackets on until Hurricane Fay passes by. Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush repeated the entire telecast in Spanish. Jeb wore his life jacket also.

Weather Channel meteorologist Jim Cantore is being credited as being the source of this advice regarding the life jackets. Jim is advising folks with pets to order life jackets for their dogs and cats via overnight delivery. Jim further advises that folks can make their own life jackets from pieces of styrofoam that can be found in recycling dumpsters behind Dollar stores and such. He says these dumpsters are relatively clean and that he often finds bubble wrap and other materials that he uses to wrap items he ships on eBay.

Another method that helps people stay afloat during hurricanes and tropical storms is the use of plastic one-gallon milk jugs and water jugs. The NHC is advising folks to make sure to empty these vessels out before attaching these home made contraptions to your person.

One angry Floridian asked NHC officials, "Where is all of this water coming from?" NHC scientists blame global warming and the resulting melting of the ice caps for the sudden rise in water levels which is exacerbated by the approach of tropical cyclones. One scientist told reporters that global warming on Earth has become so severe that even the Martian Ice caps are starting to melt.

In related news IPP reporters have learned that The Weather Channel will soon be sending Jim Cantore to Mars to cover an impending planet-wide dust storm. The Weather Channel will use a refurbished Saturn V rocket that was originally built for the Apollo 18 Moon mission which was cancelled due to lack of interest. The launch and mission to Mars will be financed by a pay-per-view telecast of the entire mission.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hurricane

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