Written by Josh Bloom

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

image for Hurricane Experts Predict Storms in 2027
Hurricane Bernard. August, 2027.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) announced today that because of emerging technology they would be able to make far more accurate hurricane forecasts well into the future.

NOAA spokesperson Dr. Barry Metrick cited the organization's superlative track record over the past two years. "For 2006 we predicted there would be 15 hurricanes and there were zero. This year we did even better; we predicted 16 storms and there was one." He added, "We are very proud of our progress in this area," and promised that even better forecasting in on the horizon.

Dr. Metrik attributed this progress to better computer models and a greater understanding of climate in general. "Since we now know that the earth is either warming, cooling or staying the same, we are now able to utilize sophisticated new predictive tools to accurately extrapolate trends from current data."

His demonstration of this method produced one astonishing prediction. According to NOAA, there is an 88.7% chance that Hurricane Bernard will strike Indian Beach (will be called Native American Beach by then), NC at 2:21 A.M. on August 13, 2027. High winds (88.2 mph with gusts up to 97.112 mph) will be accompanied by 6.01023 inches of rain, compounded by a tidal surge of 8" 1.67". Damage will be moderate to severe, with particular problems expected at the intersection of Rte. 58 (westbound only) and Shore Drive. The Stuckey's sign will lose the S and T and will thus become "uckey's" however, the Holiday Inn will fare worse, becoming the "Ho Inn."

For those that may be concerned that NOAA will be focusing too much on the future at the expense of current forecasting, Dr. Metrick set this straight. "Tonight, in that same area, it will be mostly dark with light gradually returning towards dawn."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hurricane

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